[ For a few seconds, his mouth just works silently, while his face does its best deer-in-headlights impression.
Like, honestly. How can he even respond to that?
Peter doesn't lack for confidence. For a long time in his early teens he faked a sense of self-worth until eventually he came to believe it. And he's conceited, maybe, and selfish for sure, but only because he learned to be. Only because he had to be. Because charity and generosity and kindness just weren't words in the Ravager dictionary. They were these alien ideas that had no place in the rough edges of space, in the ruthless life of what was basically a space pirate, unless the demonstrator wanted to get eaten alive. For a long time he only cared about himself because no one else would.
And then the shit on Xandar happened, and things like friendship and self-sacrifice and actually giving a fuck had exploded back into his mind, and it was new and different and he embraced it after twenty-something years of sameness. But the funny thing is, it took him longer to accept that maybe those things were reciprocated by the team he had stumbled upon. Maybe those were things that he could receive in kind.
He still isn't used to it. He's still used to everyone looking out for themselves, and only themselves.
Peter is a selfish person -- but for a while there, he thought that staying with the Ravagers, keeping the others out of trouble, would be the act that finally made him the good person Mom thought he could be. Just another bout of self-sacrifice, right? But after what Kasumi says to him, after the way she begs him to leave, he suddenly realizes that the path of least resistance, the option of giving himself up, might actually have been one of the most selfish fucking things he's done in a long time.
Life is fucking weird, he thinks, and he shuts his eyes. He lets his hand slide down from his forehead to carefully rub at one of his eyes with the heel of his palm.
It's a long while before he can find it in him to talk, and when he does, there's a hint of humor there, something he hasn't dredged up in a long while. He looks over at her openly, and a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, genuine and small. ]
no subject
Like, honestly. How can he even respond to that?
Peter doesn't lack for confidence. For a long time in his early teens he faked a sense of self-worth until eventually he came to believe it. And he's conceited, maybe, and selfish for sure, but only because he learned to be. Only because he had to be. Because charity and generosity and kindness just weren't words in the Ravager dictionary. They were these alien ideas that had no place in the rough edges of space, in the ruthless life of what was basically a space pirate, unless the demonstrator wanted to get eaten alive. For a long time he only cared about himself because no one else would.
And then the shit on Xandar happened, and things like friendship and self-sacrifice and actually giving a fuck had exploded back into his mind, and it was new and different and he embraced it after twenty-something years of sameness. But the funny thing is, it took him longer to accept that maybe those things were reciprocated by the team he had stumbled upon. Maybe those were things that he could receive in kind.
He still isn't used to it. He's still used to everyone looking out for themselves, and only themselves.
Peter is a selfish person -- but for a while there, he thought that staying with the Ravagers, keeping the others out of trouble, would be the act that finally made him the good person Mom thought he could be. Just another bout of self-sacrifice, right? But after what Kasumi says to him, after the way she begs him to leave, he suddenly realizes that the path of least resistance, the option of giving himself up, might actually have been one of the most selfish fucking things he's done in a long time.
Life is fucking weird, he thinks, and he shuts his eyes. He lets his hand slide down from his forehead to carefully rub at one of his eyes with the heel of his palm.
It's a long while before he can find it in him to talk, and when he does, there's a hint of humor there, something he hasn't dredged up in a long while. He looks over at her openly, and a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, genuine and small. ]
Sounds as though you might kinda like me, huh?