You-- you know how you're gonna break the news to 'em yet?
[ As he's asking, he moves to sit beside her on the bed -- not too close, since he knows she has personal bubble issues, but not so far that she'd feel like a leper or something.
He's-- pretty fucking concerned, still, and his gaze keeps flicking to her neck. It-- fuck, that looks painful, and he wishes he knew even a teensy bit of what was going through her head that made her go to Yao.
[ A distinct pause follows his question as if she's carefully considering it. Finally, she exhales slowly and her head drops a little. Not without a slight grimace from the pain in her neck though. ]
Not a clue. [ Wade is who she's most scared of coming clean to, admittedly. But after what she'd done to him, she... she was terrified. Desperate. It couldn't happen again because what if it wasn't him next time.
Normal people don't pop back up like daisies after getting their hearts eaten. ]
I'll probably wait until I heal a bit more. So they aren't as freaked out. [ ... ] Sorry about that, actually. I probably should've waited to tell you too.
[ Newt got the worst of it actually. He saw her right after she woke up and had to deal with her being a traumatized trainwreck of emotions. ]
Nah. Better you told me now. I, um. [ He takes a breath, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. His gaze flicks to her bruises (obvious signs of strangulation, and he feels that heat flaring in his gut again), and his jaw clenches briefly. ]
I wish you had said somethin' earlier, is all. [ His voice is quiet again, tense. ] About whatever problem you were dealing with. I mean, I know you probably don't trust me much-- [ considering the on-again, off-again silent treatment she's been giving him ] --and that I'm not exactly the poster child for, like, bein' particularly open, either, but-- I dunno. Just saying I would've wanted to help.
[ And-- that little bit is a lot more honest than Peter's been in a long, long while, and he directs his attention to the floorboards. ]
There's a moment of silence that follows his words as she contemplates them. Letting people in has always been bad news. Not for her but for them. Haven was different but... old habits die hard, as the saying goes. But when she sees her friends, people she cares about, worry for her ( even though she can't comprehend why, her chest feels tight and her heart weighs heavy with guilt.
That's the exact opposite of what she wants.
What Peter might think of her if he knew what she was, the things she'd done also scares her more than she'll likely ever admit. Because she likes him and she likes what they have going and although it might be selfish of her she doesn't want to lose it.
There was no way he could help but she can't tell him that without explaining everything and, well. The bottom line is she's just not sure she's ready to. It had taken her nearly a year to tell Sakamoto that she wasn't human, then even longer about her struggle after Kite willingly and he was probably one of her - maybe only - best friends in this place.
She scoots closer to him, nudging her shoulder against his. ]
Hey. I'm sorry for not letting you know. It's... a little late now, really, to try and get into it all since it's been going on for a while but. Trust me when I say there wasn't much you could do to stop things from happening the way they did. No one could. I'm kind of ridiculously stubborn like that. Once I get my mind made up on something, it's gonna' happen. [ Here is a weak attempt at a smile that fades as fast as it appears. ]
I can promise you this though. I'll be more honest from now on, alright? Nothing should ever get this bad again. I mean, I can never say never in this place but... I'll let you know. You don't have to worry about me getting all creepy and sharing every detail of my life, but. I won't shut you out anymore.
[ At least, she'll try her damn hardest not to. It's instinct to deflect, to avoid, and use half-truths to cover up what's really going on but if he asks... she won't, at least, outright lie anymore. That's the least she can do for putting him through all this. ]
[ If she were likely to express her trust issues? Peter would echo them wholeheartedly. Letting people in is a weakness; getting close is a liability; revealing too much of yourself is as bad as exposing your throat.
Never get attached, Yondu used to tell him. It's one of the few lessons he actually took to heart.
So as stupid as he's being right now, he gets it. Gets why she didn't come to him with whatever issue she's dealing with. Weakness. Liability. Vulnerability. He gets it.
So at her promise, he feels a little surprised. It's a lot more than he expected, giving his own reservations, his own fucked up mental hang-ups. So he manages a tiny smile, and if she cares to notice? It's probably one of the most genuine smiles she's seen to date -- crooked and small, as if he's trying to suppress it -- and he nudges her right back. ]
All I can ask, really. Just-- if you get into hot water like this again? Call me in as back-up. I've had a metric shitton of deals go south. It's kind of my area of expertise.
[ Though she'd tried to channel Sakamoto's business-savvy ways, her smart mouth had ended up getting the best of her once it was obvious there would be no deal. They said 'maybe' they could promise results if she worked but... No. That wouldn't have been worth it. A 'maybe' wasn't enough to sacrifice, well.
This.
For a second, she considers resting her head on his shoulder. Partly because it feels like the right thing to do... and partly because she's so completely exhausted. Better to pass out on him than the fall forward onto the floor or something.
Ultimately though she decides against it because, well, things already got kind a little more intimate and mushy than she intended. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing. ]
Somehow, that isn't actually surprising. But alright. I'll keep that in mind for the next time I get in trouble. Which, knowing me, is bound to happen eventually.
[ He gives her a Look, though there's no heat in it. ] Honestly, I'd prefer it if you could, like, stay out of trouble. Maybe take it easy for a bit. I know that sounds weird, but, hey, sometimes? When people get hurt? They rest.
[ After a sort of heavy pause, he adds cautiously, ] So this is why you've been avoiding me, huh? And here I thought it was just 'cause you were too overwhelmed by my roguish good looks and sparklin' wit.
One thing you're gonna' learn pretty quickly about me is I don't know when to stay down.
[ It's light, a little teasing but... there's a hint of truth to it too. Resiliency is hardwired into her brain; it is fight or die. Rest isn't actually a bad idea right now but there's still that fear of sleep nestled in the back of her waking mind preventing her from doing any such thing. ]
- Yeah. I mean, the roguish good looks and sparkling wit were a small part of it. But it was mostly the other stuff.
Hey, understandable. I mean, sometimes when you're confronted by such a perfect specimen like myself, it's hard to know how to cope.
[ Yeah, more joking. He knows they're not out of the woods yet, not by any means, but it feels like at least they might be able to get there. ]
I know you're trying to do the hermit thing, but if you really need to, you can crash here. There's, like, six other people staying here, aside from yours truly, but I don't imagine they'll really care.
If I'm gonna' crash here that comes with the condition that you're forfeiting your bed. [ Which, actually, there's a couple reasons for. Mostly that she doesn't feel comfortable taking up an empty bed and running the risk that someone thinks they have a new roommate.
The other ( totally not important ) reason is that, well. His bed has his scent and that's kind of a weirdly comforting thing right now. It makes sense in her mind but that may also be the wolf part of her speaking, which can be tricky translating to human understanding. ]
But it'll probably only be for... a couple hours, at most.
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[ As he's asking, he moves to sit beside her on the bed -- not too close, since he knows she has personal bubble issues, but not so far that she'd feel like a leper or something.
He's-- pretty fucking concerned, still, and his gaze keeps flicking to her neck. It-- fuck, that looks painful, and he wishes he knew even a teensy bit of what was going through her head that made her go to Yao.
But he waits. He's patient. ]
no subject
Not a clue. [ Wade is who she's most scared of coming clean to, admittedly. But after what she'd done to him, she... she was terrified. Desperate. It couldn't happen again because what if it wasn't him next time.
Normal people don't pop back up like daisies after getting their hearts eaten. ]
I'll probably wait until I heal a bit more. So they aren't as freaked out. [ ... ] Sorry about that, actually. I probably should've waited to tell you too.
[ Newt got the worst of it actually. He saw her right after she woke up and had to deal with her being a traumatized trainwreck of emotions. ]
no subject
Nah. Better you told me now. I, um. [ He takes a breath, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. His gaze flicks to her bruises (obvious signs of strangulation, and he feels that heat flaring in his gut again), and his jaw clenches briefly. ]
I wish you had said somethin' earlier, is all. [ His voice is quiet again, tense. ] About whatever problem you were dealing with. I mean, I know you probably don't trust me much-- [ considering the on-again, off-again silent treatment she's been giving him ] --and that I'm not exactly the poster child for, like, bein' particularly open, either, but-- I dunno. Just saying I would've wanted to help.
[ And-- that little bit is a lot more honest than Peter's been in a long, long while, and he directs his attention to the floorboards. ]
no subject
There's a moment of silence that follows his words as she contemplates them. Letting people in has always been bad news. Not for her but for them. Haven was different but... old habits die hard, as the saying goes. But when she sees her friends, people she cares about, worry for her ( even though she can't comprehend why, her chest feels tight and her heart weighs heavy with guilt.
That's the exact opposite of what she wants.
What Peter might think of her if he knew what she was, the things she'd done also scares her more than she'll likely ever admit. Because she likes him and she likes what they have going and although it might be selfish of her she doesn't want to lose it.
There was no way he could help but she can't tell him that without explaining everything and, well. The bottom line is she's just not sure she's ready to. It had taken her nearly a year to tell Sakamoto that she wasn't human, then even longer about her struggle after Kite willingly and he was probably one of her - maybe only - best friends in this place.
She scoots closer to him, nudging her shoulder against his. ]
Hey. I'm sorry for not letting you know. It's... a little late now, really, to try and get into it all since it's been going on for a while but. Trust me when I say there wasn't much you could do to stop things from happening the way they did. No one could. I'm kind of ridiculously stubborn like that. Once I get my mind made up on something, it's gonna' happen. [ Here is a weak attempt at a smile that fades as fast as it appears. ]
I can promise you this though. I'll be more honest from now on, alright? Nothing should ever get this bad again. I mean, I can never say never in this place but... I'll let you know. You don't have to worry about me getting all creepy and sharing every detail of my life, but. I won't shut you out anymore.
[ At least, she'll try her damn hardest not to. It's instinct to deflect, to avoid, and use half-truths to cover up what's really going on but if he asks... she won't, at least, outright lie anymore. That's the least she can do for putting him through all this. ]
no subject
Never get attached, Yondu used to tell him. It's one of the few lessons he actually took to heart.
So as stupid as he's being right now, he gets it. Gets why she didn't come to him with whatever issue she's dealing with. Weakness. Liability. Vulnerability. He gets it.
So at her promise, he feels a little surprised. It's a lot more than he expected, giving his own reservations, his own fucked up mental hang-ups. So he manages a tiny smile, and if she cares to notice? It's probably one of the most genuine smiles she's seen to date -- crooked and small, as if he's trying to suppress it -- and he nudges her right back. ]
All I can ask, really. Just-- if you get into hot water like this again? Call me in as back-up. I've had a metric shitton of deals go south. It's kind of my area of expertise.
no subject
This.
For a second, she considers resting her head on his shoulder. Partly because it feels like the right thing to do... and partly because she's so completely exhausted. Better to pass out on him than the fall forward onto the floor or something.
Ultimately though she decides against it because, well, things already got kind a little more intimate and mushy than she intended. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing. ]
Somehow, that isn't actually surprising. But alright. I'll keep that in mind for the next time I get in trouble. Which, knowing me, is bound to happen eventually.
no subject
[ After a sort of heavy pause, he adds cautiously, ] So this is why you've been avoiding me, huh? And here I thought it was just 'cause you were too overwhelmed by my roguish good looks and sparklin' wit.
no subject
[ It's light, a little teasing but... there's a hint of truth to it too. Resiliency is hardwired into her brain; it is fight or die. Rest isn't actually a bad idea right now but there's still that fear of sleep nestled in the back of her waking mind preventing her from doing any such thing. ]
- Yeah. I mean, the roguish good looks and sparkling wit were a small part of it. But it was mostly the other stuff.
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[ Yeah, more joking. He knows they're not out of the woods yet, not by any means, but it feels like at least they might be able to get there. ]
I know you're trying to do the hermit thing, but if you really need to, you can crash here. There's, like, six other people staying here, aside from yours truly, but I don't imagine they'll really care.
no subject
If I'm gonna' crash here that comes with the condition that you're forfeiting your bed. [ Which, actually, there's a couple reasons for. Mostly that she doesn't feel comfortable taking up an empty bed and running the risk that someone thinks they have a new roommate.
The other ( totally not important ) reason is that, well. His bed has his scent and that's kind of a weirdly comforting thing right now. It makes sense in her mind but that may also be the wolf part of her speaking, which can be tricky translating to human understanding. ]
But it'll probably only be for... a couple hours, at most.
no subject
Make it five hours, and you won't hear any complaints from me.
no subject
Five hours, sure. But no longer than that.
no subject
Deal, then. Not many in this place who get the opportunity to say they've had a girl as hot as you in their bunks, anyway.