[ He's telling her. Among other things, she'd picked a fight Superman. She has the black eye to prove it, too. Which is yet another reason why audio is currently preferred. ]
No, I know - It's. I mean. [ Words, Rosie. Use your words. ] It was totally awesome until I- I ruined it by being completely crazy.
[ That was worlds harder to spit out than it should have been. ]
[ The tiny admission makes him laugh a little. Mostly because, yeah, it's kind of true, but-- there was a reason why Peter didn't want to start anything with Rosie, and during those few moments, he'd totally forgotten them.
But that was kind of stupid, because here he was, afraid of hurting her, and then she's nearly taking a chunk out of him. Maybe he should've been afraid of the other way around, huh?
On reflex, the hand of his good arm gingerly touches the injury on his shoulder. It still stings like a bitch, and it hasn't healed up. Mostly he's been doing some avoidance of his own, hiding out and avoiding people where he could; he should probably go to the clinic soon.
But first things first. He licks his lips, and when he speaks, his voice is a little more serious, though hesitant. ]
Yeah. About that. You, um. You mind tellin' me what that was all about?
[ The silence that lingers might make him wonder if she just decided to hang up. Finally though, it breaks, and the usual lightness to her tone no matter what the situation has dropped. She decides to tell him something similar to what she'd told Newt. It wasn't an easy admission - Sakamoto's the only one she's willingly told - but one that needed to be made now nonetheless. ]
I don't know if you remember Jo's post but she called me a youkai. We're kind of a mix of animal and what people think of as 'demons.' For a good reason. Most of us eat people. [ It goes without saying her kind isn't an exception to this rule. ]
We don't have to. I never did until Haven. Do you remember me telling you about how Kite experimented on me? He- he pumped me full of some other lady's magic and it drove me crazy. I ate her. [ The revelation comes with a quiver in her voice; the woman's screams still ring in her ears when she feels her grip on her sanity slipping. ] And it was kind of like a I was a carnivore tasting meat for the first time after being raised vegan. I couldn't stop. Nothing was [ is, she thinks ] as good anymore. It became an addiction. That's my 'problem.'
Eventually, Wade found me after my latest victim. I was a mess. [ Izumo, she recalls. He'd trusted her. ] He- he can regenerate. So we made a deal. He'd help keep me fed and I wouldn't hurt anyone else. It was working well until -
[ Until in a bout of Yao driven gluttony she'd eaten his still beating heart from his chest. ] - until I hurt him, too. So I was terrified and desperate and turned to Yao for help. You know how that ended up.
Sometimes it's hard to keep in check when Yao decides to screw with us. I try to do right, but I. Obviously I'm not as strong as I like to think I am.
[ And that's that, one would think. Yet she adds a little more, somberly- ]
But I've made up my mind. I'm not going to hurt anyone anymore. I won't. [ No matter the cost to her own health, no matter what. ] Not even Wade. I can't.
[ Peter's quiet for a long while, soaking in this information.
Mostly, he's not sure what to think.
He glances around the room, hoping his gaze will fall on something that'll give him a sudden burst of inspiration, and he'll suddenly have the right words to make this all better, to make Rosie feel better, and sweep all their troubles away. But Peter's never been particularly eloquent, and he thinks words are empty things, anyway. Tools. Even if he had the right ones, he wouldn't find much comfort in them.
So at length, he exhales a quiet breath, brings the comm back to his mouth. ]
[ What could he even say? Rose, actually, isn't expecting much. It feels... bittersweet to tell him, actually. Part of her wishes he'd never found out but on the other hand is relieved that she doesn't have anything to hide anymore. ]
Nothing too bad. [ Less power, shorter lifespan. Considering hers is already somewhere in the thousand year range though that's not actually too concerning. Now it might just be closer to oh, say, seven hundred or eight hundred. ] Some of our kind have been known to go without eating for centuries.
[ She's not nearly on the same tier as those youkai - the god-like ryuu, the 'lords', and so on - but she knows it can be done.
There'll definitely be some long-term problems. For a while though things shouldn't be any different. I'll be weaker but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Basically. I'll lose strength and stamina kind of like you guys would only slower. Probably be a lot more tired but that's also not necessarily a bad thing with how much I suck at sleeping.
[ She's trying to keep it light, trying to add any sort of levity to this conversation. It isn't a perfect plan and she's painfully aware of that. But it is one where she doesn't hurt anyone anymore and, despite the consequences to her own wellbeing, that's all she cares about. Rose refuses to be the monster that her life and Haven seem set out to turn her into.
Part of her knows that if she can't maintain control - lose her temper like she did with Jo after two months of starvation - that she won't give herself any more chances though. This is it. If she can't stay strong enough to stop herself or if Yao bends her will one more time, no hunters will have to come after her for hurting more innocent people.
She'll spare them the job and take care of her herself. ]
Yeah. I eat cute, cuddly things, like lambs and calves. Ducks. Rabbits. Out on Xandar they had this meat stew made of these little dudes who looked like tribbles.
[ he falls silent for a quick second, brows knitting together in a grim line before he continues. ]
I'm not saying it's okay. That you eat humans, I mean. That actually kind of sucks. But if it's something you need? And you have someone who can help you? Then you shouldn't just quit.
You ever seen someone quit a drug cold turkey? I have. It's ugly. Lots of times they just go back to it, binge to make up for lost time.
Ween yourself off, at least. Quitting cold turkey will just make it worse.
[ Woah, what. They have things that look like tribbles? Man, she needs to ask him about space more often... Wait. No. Focus, Rose. ]
Sucks is an understatement, dude. [ It's literally tearing away at her sanity. She supposes it was only a matter of time in place like Haven. ] And I don't need it. [ That much she's sure of. She lived almost all her life without it, after all. ]
I just - It feels like all or nothing with this. I've tried eating 'regular' food again, but. [ Obviously that hasn't worked out so well. ]
That's exactly what I'm going to do. It doesn't matter if it sounds dumb or is dumb, it's my only real choice.
[ Stubborn to a fault. ]
There's no guarantee Wade will be here forever. [ Rose long since realized she was too reliant on him. There's also no guarantee she won't get her mind warped by this place and hurt someone else she cares about again. That, however, is omitted for it's a very real, frightening possibility that she doesn't want to dwell on. ]
I have to stop myself before I let it get any worse than it already has. And if that means starving, I'd much rather starve than continue always being terrified of these 'what ifs' that come with being a horribly fucked up monster.
[ Her anger flares up red hot as its wont to do. It isn't the same; how can he still be trying to make it equal? The woman lets out a frustrated huff and bites her tongue before lashing out. Which is much more difficult than she makes it seem. ]
That won't solve anything. Then we'll both be hungry and miserable. Only you can't go centuries without eating. [ Ugh. What is it with her friends and challenging her own headstrong ways? ]
There's. One other option. I hadn't mentioned it because, well, I'm about ninety-nine point nine percent sure it isn't going to work out. [ Not because of Newt's lack of knowledge - dude was a bonified genius - but the lack of materials in Haven to even begin the process. ] Newt's trying to find a way to clone me a food source.
[ Which she, honestly, feels a little silly saying since... Cloning. Really. ]
I mean, if a corporation can zap a shitton of people from alternate realities and different dimensions or whatever, I don't see how cloning is too far out there.
[ He's actually right. She would have. It wouldn't have been the first time either.
That thought causes her stomach to churn in disgust. ]
Me more than you though, I think. [ Rose isn't about to let him to take more of the blame than he has to. He shouldn't be taking any, if she's honest, but...
Part of her wants to ask if he's afraid of her. The other part of her is terrified to know. A final part already thinks she already knows the answer. So she refrains. ]
So, we're. Still friends? [ If they're not, she understands. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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No, I know - It's. I mean. [ Words, Rosie. Use your words. ] It was totally awesome until I- I ruined it by being completely crazy.
[ That was worlds harder to spit out than it should have been. ]
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But that was kind of stupid, because here he was, afraid of hurting her, and then she's nearly taking a chunk out of him. Maybe he should've been afraid of the other way around, huh?
On reflex, the hand of his good arm gingerly touches the injury on his shoulder. It still stings like a bitch, and it hasn't healed up. Mostly he's been doing some avoidance of his own, hiding out and avoiding people where he could; he should probably go to the clinic soon.
But first things first. He licks his lips, and when he speaks, his voice is a little more serious, though hesitant. ]
Yeah. About that. You, um. You mind tellin' me what that was all about?
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I don't know if you remember Jo's post but she called me a youkai. We're kind of a mix of animal and what people think of as 'demons.' For a good reason. Most of us eat people. [ It goes without saying her kind isn't an exception to this rule. ]
We don't have to. I never did until Haven. Do you remember me telling you about how Kite experimented on me? He- he pumped me full of some other lady's magic and it drove me crazy. I ate her. [ The revelation comes with a quiver in her voice; the woman's screams still ring in her ears when she feels her grip on her sanity slipping. ] And it was kind of like a I was a carnivore tasting meat for the first time after being raised vegan. I couldn't stop. Nothing was [ is, she thinks ] as good anymore. It became an addiction. That's my 'problem.'
Eventually, Wade found me after my latest victim. I was a mess. [ Izumo, she recalls. He'd trusted her. ] He- he can regenerate. So we made a deal. He'd help keep me fed and I wouldn't hurt anyone else. It was working well until -
[ Until in a bout of Yao driven gluttony she'd eaten his still beating heart from his chest. ] - until I hurt him, too. So I was terrified and desperate and turned to Yao for help. You know how that ended up.
Sometimes it's hard to keep in check when Yao decides to screw with us. I try to do right, but I. Obviously I'm not as strong as I like to think I am.
[ And that's that, one would think. Yet she adds a little more, somberly- ]
But I've made up my mind. I'm not going to hurt anyone anymore. I won't. [ No matter the cost to her own health, no matter what. ] Not even Wade. I can't.
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Mostly, he's not sure what to think.
He glances around the room, hoping his gaze will fall on something that'll give him a sudden burst of inspiration, and he'll suddenly have the right words to make this all better, to make Rosie feel better, and sweep all their troubles away. But Peter's never been particularly eloquent, and he thinks words are empty things, anyway. Tools. Even if he had the right ones, he wouldn't find much comfort in them.
So at length, he exhales a quiet breath, brings the comm back to his mouth. ]
What's gonna happen to you if you go cold turkey?
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Nothing too bad. [ Less power, shorter lifespan. Considering hers is already somewhere in the thousand year range though that's not actually too concerning. Now it might just be closer to oh, say, seven hundred or eight hundred. ] Some of our kind have been known to go without eating for centuries.
[ She's not nearly on the same tier as those youkai - the god-like ryuu, the 'lords', and so on - but she knows it can be done.
With a hint of that familiar forced cheer: ]
I'll manage.
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Rosie--
[ He stops, falls silent for a second, then starts over. ]
If you don't-- eat, is it gonna hurt you?
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There'll definitely be some long-term problems. For a while though things shouldn't be any different. I'll be weaker but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
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Like, "I'm totally starving myself" weaker, or--?
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[ She's trying to keep it light, trying to add any sort of levity to this conversation. It isn't a perfect plan and she's painfully aware of that. But it is one where she doesn't hurt anyone anymore and, despite the consequences to her own wellbeing, that's all she cares about. Rose refuses to be the monster that her life and Haven seem set out to turn her into.
Part of her knows that if she can't maintain control - lose her temper like she did with Jo after two months of starvation - that she won't give herself any more chances though. This is it. If she can't stay strong enough to stop herself or if Yao bends her will one more time, no hunters will have to come after her for hurting more innocent people.
She'll spare them the job and take care of her herself. ]
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If I told you right now, "Hey, I'm gonna starve myself," how would that sound to you?
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You don't eat people.
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[ he falls silent for a quick second, brows knitting together in a grim line before he continues. ]
I'm not saying it's okay. That you eat humans, I mean. That actually kind of sucks. But if it's something you need? And you have someone who can help you? Then you shouldn't just quit.
You ever seen someone quit a drug cold turkey? I have. It's ugly. Lots of times they just go back to it, binge to make up for lost time.
Ween yourself off, at least. Quitting cold turkey will just make it worse.
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Sucks is an understatement, dude. [ It's literally tearing away at her sanity. She supposes it was only a matter of time in place like Haven. ] And I don't need it. [ That much she's sure of. She lived almost all her life without it, after all. ]
I just - It feels like all or nothing with this. I've tried eating 'regular' food again, but. [ Obviously that hasn't worked out so well. ]
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Sorry, but that sounds really friggin' dumb, dude.
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[ Stubborn to a fault. ]
There's no guarantee Wade will be here forever. [ Rose long since realized she was too reliant on him. There's also no guarantee she won't get her mind warped by this place and hurt someone else she cares about again. That, however, is omitted for it's a very real, frightening possibility that she doesn't want to dwell on. ]
I have to stop myself before I let it get any worse than it already has. And if that means starving, I'd much rather starve than continue always being terrified of these 'what ifs' that come with being a horribly fucked up monster.
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Well. If you're not eatin', then I won't, either.
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[ Her anger flares up red hot as its wont to do. It isn't the same; how can he still be trying to make it equal? The woman lets out a frustrated huff and bites her tongue before lashing out. Which is much more difficult than she makes it seem. ]
That won't solve anything. Then we'll both be hungry and miserable. Only you can't go centuries without eating. [ Ugh. What is it with her friends and challenging her own headstrong ways? ]
There's. One other option. I hadn't mentioned it because, well, I'm about ninety-nine point nine percent sure it isn't going to work out. [ Not because of Newt's lack of knowledge - dude was a bonified genius - but the lack of materials in Haven to even begin the process. ] Newt's trying to find a way to clone me a food source.
[ Which she, honestly, feels a little silly saying since... Cloning. Really. ]
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How much work has he got done?
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I mean, if a corporation can zap a shitton of people from alternate realities and different dimensions or whatever, I don't see how cloning is too far out there.
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[ A sigh sounds, followed by a confused- ]
I don't understand. Why are you - You should hate me. Be angry, at least. I tried to kill you.
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[ He forces some levity into his voice. ] 'Sides. You bit me on the shoulder. If you were really trying to kill me, you'd've gone for the throat.
We got carried away. The both of us.
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That thought causes her stomach to churn in disgust. ]
Me more than you though, I think. [ Rose isn't about to let him to take more of the blame than he has to. He shouldn't be taking any, if she's honest, but...
Part of her wants to ask if he's afraid of her. The other part of her is terrified to know. A final part already thinks she already knows the answer. So she refrains. ]
So, we're. Still friends? [ If they're not, she understands. ]
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Yeah. We're alright.
Just-- you know. Maybe less teeth next time.
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- Are you saying there might be a next time?
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