[ While Kasumi spent her time hailing the Milano, Peter spent the time half asleep, the adrenaline finally wearing off once they were out of orbit. It's only then that he starts realizing, I'm going home. But he's still tense, and even if his body is exhausted, his mind is still sharp, still active. It refuses to rest until he's back on board his ship, until he can hear his footsteps echo against the bulkhead, until he can feel and hear the hum of its engines.
He fucking loves that ship. It's been his home and his baby for seventeen years.
The injuries Kasumi tends to are old ones: old bruises on top of older bruises; scabbed-over cuts; scars from where he's been stitched up without the aid of Medi-Gel. His left side looks worse than his right. She doesn't ask, which is all the same to him. He's ashamed to admit there were some nights where he was just too bone-tired to fight back, just curled up on his side and hoped that a misplaced blow to the head would knock him out and end their fun.
But he can see the worry on her face, see how upset it makes her, and he feels like a fucking shithead for putting her through this. More than once he wants to tell her to stop, that he can do it himself, because that look of heartbreak on her face is killing him. But he doesn't. Because-- because it's nice. It's so fucking nice to have her hands on him, and her touch gentle and kind, and his eyes prickle as he screws them shut, and he just-- he's missed this. He needs this.
(It's somewhere around month four that the realization that he just might need her had started worming its way into his mind, though it hasn't settled yet.)
The Guardians are not naturally a touchy-feely bunch. Being raised among enemies or just-- being an asshole will do that to you. But the moment Peter's back on the ship, the others nearly trample them in their rush. Gamora reaches him first, because of course she does, and her hold around his rib cage makes him ache, and then Drax is enveloping them both, then Groot, then Rocket begrudgingly leans against Peter's leg.
He thinks they must've gotten this from him, the whole-- physical contact thing. Lord knows he's the only one who'd have done something like this. And he laughs and laughs, and he-- and-- and he just-- he fucking just--
He loses it.
Because all of the adrenaline is gone, and there's nothing left but the raw edges of everything rubbing together. He's an exposed nerve, and he needs to heal, but for now he's just. Relieved. Happy. Because Kasumi is here and his friends are here, and he's home, he's really home, for the first time in five months and some change, and he knows he's called them his family before, but they really are. They're his family, and he hasn't had a family in such a long, long time.
He doesn't know the last time he's fucking wept like this, like a goddamn kid with a skinned knee, and the alarmed murmurs from the others are enough to tell him that they have no idea that sometimes Terrans cry when they're overwhelmed by emotion, even happiness. Somehow, that's hilarious to him, so he laughs and cries all the more until his sides ache all over again, and he pulls Kasumi into the mess, too, because why not? He wants her here. She's as much a part of his life as this group of assholes, whether she wants to be or not.
(He hopes she does. He really hopes she does.)
It's not until he sags, exhausted, that they finally let him go -- sort of, anyway. Drax half carries him to his bunk, and he feigns annoyance at how clean it is, how he was hoping it'd be just the way he left it.
"Like hell we were just gonna leave your crap lyin' around, you idiot," Rocket said, and Peter didn't even realize he had followed them. "Pretty sure there was shit growin' in 'ere.."
"You must rest," is all Drax says, and he deposits Peter on the bunk. "You must regain your strength."
Peter just murmurs something alone the lines of, You got it, dude, and sleeps the instant his head hits the pillow.
When he wakes, he doesn't know where he is, and he panics. The engines sound wrong. It's too quiet. His heart's pounding in his chest and his mind is racing, and he can't remember how he got here, how did he get here? Did they take him here? What the fuck kinda game are the playing at now? Shit, they kept saying stuff about selling him to the Collector, didn't they? But he thought they were joking, but-- fuck, he let his guard down and now he doesn't know what's happening and--
-- and there are hands on him, gripping his shoulders and he lashes out, pulls away on instinct, but then the grip moves to his wrists once he lashes out again to give himself room to maneuver. The hands on his wrist are strong, really goddamn strong, and fucking fuck fuck, he knows what comes next, the punching bag game, the say-please-right game--
"Peter!"
That voice makes him freeze. It's different, and his sleep-addled takes longer to register, "feminine."
"Calm down, Peter. You're safe. You're on the Milano. You're safe."
It takes him longer than he wants to admit to get himself under control, to get himself to stop shaking and to breath like a normal person. Gamora doesn't let him go until his breath evens out. Once he's finally calm he glances around and-- is deeply disappointed.
... He had the inkling she wouldn't stay. And it's-- okay that she didn't. He understands--
"She's in the galley," Gamora says with a small, kind smile. As she leaves the room, she tosses over her shoulder, "I'll retrieve her." ]
[ Kasumi had continued to look back on what happened, inadvertently ignoring the messages that had gone through on her omni-tool (missed correspondence from the last few days of ignoring messages to focus on the last job and then all this) in favor of staring absentmindedly at nothing in particular. Seeing Peter reunite with his friends, and seeing him just lose it at that moment had moved Kasumi so much she almost lost it, too, and sure enough there had been a traitorous tear or two that spilled over before Peter pulled her in. It was nice, so nice, to have been a part of that, a part of him. Sure, she had made some friends aboard the Normandy, but the day you get everyone into a nice big group hug like that? For one, there were just way too many of them, and probably someone would get pissed because they're not the hugging type and then someone else would walk away with a broken bone or two--so this? The warmth of him, her partner, and his friends, his dysfunctional but endearing and well-meaning (whether they would like to admit that or not) friends, who in many ways understand Kasumi more than some of the straight-laced do-gooder on the Normandy? This is nice, and she's glad to be part of it in her own way.
She snaps out of that reverie, however, when she hears Gamora yelling from Peter's bunk. Before she can even pause to wonder what's going on, she's already on her feet, rushing towards his room and nearly tripping over some gadget Rocket was working on--and Rocket yells at her, of course, but luckily Groot manages to stretch a branch out in time to catch her. But she doesn't spare a second to thank them, regretfully, because by the time Gamora's even taken two steps out of Peter's room, Kasumi's already there, right in front of her.
Gamora merely smiles at her much in the same way she just had at Peter and steps aside as if to say, "He wants to see you." Kasumi responds with a silent "Thanks, Gamora," before she slips past her and into Peter's room.
She should probably wait until the door's closed behind her to do anything rash like take off her hood and rush to his beside, but after everything they've been through in the last few--however long it's been? Screw it. She lingers at the door for only a few seconds before she does just that: making her way over to him, letting her hood drop (and it occurs to her that this is the first time she gets to see him without it on since the got taken, and that it would be the same for him), and taking a seat at the edge of the bed, her body hovering over his in concern. ]
[ When he sits up, back against the wall, he realizes he's still shaking, and he tries to stop himself through sheer force of will alone.
It doesn't work, of course, and he doesn't know if it was the panic or the fact that he's just exhausted that's doing it, but either way it makes him feel silly and weak and like a god damn invalid.
And then Kasumi's there, and he was hoping he would have a few moments, at least, to compose himself when Gamora brought her, but no such luck. Peter's never had good luck, after all. ]
I'm fine.
[ His voice is unsteady and hoarse, and he hates himself for it; he knows she won't like that answer, though, so he goes adds as an afterthought, ]
Had a bad dream.
[ And that, he thinks, is believable enough. No need for them to start worrying that he'll wake up swinging every morning, now. He licks his lip as he settles, sitting the pillow up to cushion his back. ]
[ She'll settle for that explanation, for now, because she thinks it's not the time to pry. Right now is a time to relax and rest and heal. She knows, though, that it's not entirely true; she's been beside him during bad dreams, before, and usually they don't get to a point where she has to yell.
What he says--that he'd thought she'd have left by now--makes her heart twist a little, though, and she pulls herself away in guilt. Because she thought she'd have left by now, too, and how goddamn awful is that? That someone you care for so much--someone you might even love--just finally found his way home after going through hell for months, and your first instinct was maybe I should leave? Kasumi's kicking herself enough already for that, but to hear it from Peter too--that stings. She knows he probably didn't mean any harm by it, but it's unsettling all the same.
Because there's a part of her that, especially after all this, doesn't want to leave, maybe ever. There's a part of her that just wants to be with him and always have his back and be there when he needs a well-placed decoy or a silent strike to a tricky enemy, be there whenever he needs someone to sooth him back into sleep after a bad dream. But she knows that's impossible; she has obligations to fulfill and there's still the fact that she's carrying potentially war-igniting intel with her in her brain and she's dangerous and--damn, is all Kasumi thinks. Damn it. I'm such an idiot.
She tries not to let that train of thought run away, but she'll manage her best reassuring smile at him. ]
Sorry. It looks like you'll be stuck with me for a while longer.
[ He's genuinely glad she's still here, at least. He knows she has far more important shit to do, stuff like helping the illustrious Commander Shepard save the galaxy, than waiting for her stupid boyfriend to wake up from an impromptu nap. And he's still tired, but he's awake, now; and if sleeping means waking up like that, terrified and panicked and lashing out at the first touch, then maybe sleeping around Kasumi isn't such a great idea.
He swallows nervously and licks his lips. ]
I didn't get a chance to-- say thanks before. So-- thanks. [ He reaches to take her hand. ] For talkin' some sense into me. I know it's not an easy thing to do.
[ Her attempt at a reassuring smile softens at his touch, melting into one of relief and, just, happiness. Because she's still happy that she stayed as much as she feels guilty about thinking about leaving, happy that he's finally safe.
His thanking her does give her some confusion, though, and her brows furrow every so slightly in that regard. ]
Peter, I-- I should be the one thanking you. You went through so much for us. I can't... I can't even imagine how much pain you've been through.
[ She stops there, because she figures that talking about what happened is probably the last thing he wants, at the moment, so instead she'll climb into bed and sit beside him, her head resting on his shoulder. ]
Anyway, I should be saying sorry, too. I lost my cool a few times back there, didn't I? That wasn't cool of me.
[ He dismisses her concerns with a shrug of his free shoulder, and that slight hint of a smile stays on his face. ]
Don't worry. Figured it was a healthy application of tough love.
[ He leans his cheek against her hair and lets his eyes slip shut, and he just-- breathes. Just relaxes. God, he's missed this so badly, and he never knew he would.
And he just-- he wants things to go back to normal as soon as possible. Now, preferably. And this bullshit has really fucked them up, he knows that much. He didn't mean for it to turn out like this. He didn't mean for Kasumi to get hurt like this, when he just wanted to protect her.
He wants things to be normal so badly.
He wraps his arm around her, turns slightly to press a kiss to the top of her head, then rests his chin there. ]
It's fine, honestly. [ Peter's always been a good conman, and he infuses a steadiness, a confidence to his voice that he doesn't quite feel. ] We'll be alright.
[ She closes her eyes, then, and turns her head to nuzzle at his shoulder after his kiss. She hears his confidence, or what seems like confidence, but she isn't quite convinced, and there's a hollow ring to his supposed steadiness.
But she'll leave it at that, for now, because right now she just wants to live in the moment. No what ifs or we should haves or anything of the sort; just right here, right now, and the two of them, and she reaches over to rest a hand on his leg. She missed him so much, and to have a moment like this with him again--just sitting next to each other, even--almost feels like a dream, when so many nights while they were apart the thought of never having this again would keep her up, more so than usual. ]
Yeah. [ She takes in a deep breath and smiles to herself. ] We'll get through this. Getting through things is what we do, right?
[ And then, she lets out a small laugh; she can't help it, anymore. ] God, I missed you so much, Peter.
[ There's a slight hitch in his next breath at her admission, and he's quiet for a long moment. Because fucking hell, he missed her too, and he said as much at the bar, didn't he? And he imbued it with every fucking emotion he could, because he didn't know if they'd get to see each other again; he thought for sure he would be walking out with the other Ravagers, back to the Eclector and back to whatever shitty jobs Yondu deigned to give him, back to that handful of assholes that overwhelmed him most nights -- and were allowed to, as long as it didn't impede Peter's ability to work.
"He ain't no use broken," Peter overheard Yondu say, once. He's pretty sure Yondu was talking about him, after Peter was sent to the medic in the early days of his return. It sort of sounded like he was giving them permission.
-- He shies away from that train of thought. It'll just-- piss him off. Make him angry and upset, make him feel useless and powerless.
Think about now, Peter, he tells himself.
Right now he's on a ship filled with people who kind of maybe give a shit about him, and he has a beautiful woman in his bed who risked a whole fucking lot on his behalf, and he owes it to all of them, he thinks, to get things back on their old track as soon as possible.
He smirks a little, or tries to -- which is for the best, because Kasumi can't see the botched attempted anyway, positioned as they are. ]
Well, there are a lot of good things about me to miss. My looks and my sense of humor, for one. My modesty, for another.
[ She pulls away at that so she can give him a look: one with a quirked brow and pursed lips that says, really?, but soon enough softens into a smile. Gentle, sincere, and with a touch of amusement. Might as well lighten the mood by playing along, right? ]
I can't argue with that. But you forgot your finely sculpted body, or is that lumped in with looks?
[ She lets out another little laugh to herself, then falls silent. It is so like Peter to dissipate an emotional moment with witty quips and that--well, that's one of the things she loves about him. When she looks back at him, she finds herself staring. It's been a long time since they've been this physically close to each other without there being any hurry or panic, so she's a little... lost. On him. Because, again, part of her thought she would never get this chance again, to look into his light eyes, to smile at the way strands of his hair would sometimes disobey the rules and fall to his forehead, to see the way he licks his lips, sometimes, and... then she's stuck on his lips. Cut up and dry as they might be, she wants to kiss him because it's been so long, but she doesn't make any moves for now in case he's not--I don't know, Kasumi thinks, maybe this is just me. He's probably too tired, or he's not in the mood, or something. So her gaze shifts back up to his eyes. ]
[ Peter is-- usually not one to embarrass. He's rarely self-conscious.
But-- he knows he looks like shit. Medi-Gel doesn't do anything for bruising or for healed-over cuts, so what they ended up using on the trip back to the Milano was for the new stuff, the new wounds he'd bandaged when he could haul himself to the med bay. And he's lost some weight and looking pretty gaunt; he's seriously lacking in the sleep department, and put that in conjunction with the black eyes, and he imagines he looks like a zombie from a Romero film.
Or, failing that, like he's in the middle of putting together a Rocket costume.
And her open staring kind of-- unsettles him. His free hand rubs the back of neck, and he licks his dry lips nervously. His gaze flicks to a spot on his bedspread. ]
... See something you like?
[ It's a touch sarcastic, a touch self-deprecating. Humor is an easy defense mechanism, after all. ]
What, a girl can't stare at her boyfriend now and then? You may look beat up, Quill, but you must be seriously gifted to still look pretty good after all that.
[ Her tone is lighthearted and humorous, with its own tint of sarcasm as well. Jokes aside, though, she reaches for his cheek, touching it gently. He may be bruised and beaten and cut in places, but he's still the sweetest, most handsome man in all the galaxy, to her.
And even though it's nowhere near as bad as Peter's, Kasumi's looks like it's seen better days, too. The bags under her eyes telling of just how many sleepless nights she's had, and a small but noticeable cut on her cheek serving as a shameful mark from a close fight with a Phantom, one in which Kasumi actually struggled, if only because her body wasn't obeying her in the way it normally does. It was tired, fatigued, and weighed down by the cloudiness in her mind.
After that mishap, Feron never let her go on any more with him without taking a stimulation pack, first. ]
[ But then she purses her lips at his question. She shouldn't be the one he's worried about, right now. She should be the one worrying over him, which she undoubtedly is, and he should be worrying about himself, about getting better.
And she knows she can't make light of this; she can't half-lie, half-truth her way out of this when it's clear that no, she hasn't been getting much or any sleep, lately, to the point where it's interfering with work and inadvertently making it more dangerous. It wasn't her style, letting her own health and well-being deteriorate in the slightest, despite the fact that she has a habit of working herself to the ground and not sleeping well. But when your lover is in an uncertain state of danger, you have no idea where he could even be, and the last time you saw him he just looked miserable and hurt yet he still sent you away, she just. Couldn't sleep, for some nights. She was scared, worried, and guilty all in one bundle of restlessness.
Then there was a night, when she had an all-too-vivid dream, and all the nights after that she'd given up on getting any good rest. She was back, on Bekenstein, all of a sudden. Everything played out almost exactly like That Time, down to her leaping from a ship and skydiving down to Donovan Hock's office, down to her tipping her hand too early, to her deceiving the guards with her decoy, to her hearing a blood-curdling scream over her comms.
Only this time, the scream wasn't Keiji's. It was Peter's, and when she lost her shit, blew her cover, ran to her partner's last known location, she didn't find Keiji's body hanging onto life in a pool of his own blood--she found Peter's.
So she'll try, try to be honest about this, but she still doesn't want to worry him. ]
Not lately, no. [ A beat. ] Been on a lot of busy jobs.
[ He presses his lips into a thin line, unconvinced by her excuse.
But-- it's not really in Peter's nature to pry, even when it comes to the people closest to him. Sure, he'll express curiosity, but he's not the type to poke and prod until the truth comes out; he's the type to let the truth come out naturally -- when it needs to.
(Because he doesn't actually like truth. He likes fantasy. He likes warped facts and half-lies and and pretending everything is fine.
It's how he's lasted all this time, honestly.)
So he gets it when Kasumi dodges his question, sidesteps it in favor of a small lie. He understands. It's not hard to tell that it has to do with him, has to do with the shit he's made everyone put up with these past several months, and he's-- in a way, he's glad she didn't bring it up.
He just wants normalcy again. He wants to bury the memories of the past five months and change as deep as he can, wants to forget how fucking miserable and worried sick he was about everything -- his own life and the well-being of his crew without him there.
(And the sinking feeling that they really don't need him, anyway, when all he has to offer is a working ship and a hanful of shitty jokes they rarely understand, anyway.)
A part of him knows that this isn't really his fault, that it was Yondu that pulled this shit on them. But he still feels guilty for getting sloppy and letting his guard down. He wishes he'd had some sort of sixth sense, some sort of awareness that something was up, that his old Ravager buddies were just around the corner. He really should've known.
So the sooner he can convince everyone that everything's fine, the sooner they can put this shit behind them. ]
Workaholic. [ He says it softly, fondly. ] That's your problem. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." You ever heard that before?
[ She returns his fond smile with one of her own. ] Where have I heard that before, I wonder?
[ Her hand moves from his cheek up, running her fingers and affectionately gently through his hair. As much as she wants things to be normal again, too, she knows that they can't, or at least not completely so. On her part, she'll have to be much, much more careful when she's alone on jobs. Maybe do things like only talk to Peter on the most secure channel she can use, do more jobs for the Shadow Broker and their people in exchange for information about the Ravagers to make sure she or the Guardians aren't even in the same quadrant of the galaxy, and maybe she finally needs to get out of Illium, in case it's been compromised. She has a lot of thinking to do, in short.
And she knows that, as much as Peter might want to pretend this never happened so that things can just go back to the way thing used to be, he won't completely heal unless he talks it out with someone. Maybe even her. She knows he'll hate that, and she's going to hate having to drag it out of him, but it would hopefully be cathartic to him, and well. Being there for him is something she needs to be, seeing as she couldn't exactly do that for the last five or so months. Kasumi would agree, though, that now definitely isn't the time for that; she just knows it'll be a thing, sometime down the line.
So she'll push these thoughts out of her mind for now, and maybe come back to them for when Peter falls back asleep (and this time she'll be sure to at least be in the room, in case something happens). For now, she'll be Playful, Fun Kasumi and her words take on a joking tone, just in hopes of lifting his spirits even a little. ]
Well, someone had to bring home the bacon while you were away, you know? Feed the kids and all that. I'm fully expecting you to be helping and taking some of this workload off of me at some point, yeah? It's the least you could do.
[ Her eyes close halfway, slowly, as she leans in and plants a soft kiss on his cheek. ]
I think for now, though, we both could use a little break. And that's coming from me.
[ his eyes move back down to his lap. He knows it was a joke, her ribbing him for not contributing, but it hits a little closer to home than either of them probably expected. He's fully aware that he probably developed a complex at some point. Being told repeatedly how useless you are, what a waste of space and resources you are, may do that to a guy. It had stayed dormant for a long while, ever since he started his solo work and earned his keep, but on his return, the Ravagers were determined to poke at that old wound.
This-- going back to normal thing may be harder than he thought. ]
Yeah. A break. [ he pounces on the change in topic immediately, dredging up a smile for her. ] Maybe you could-- [ he breaks off, then a little more tentatively, ] If you've got time, anyway. Maybe you could-- I dunno. Stay. Here, I mean. Just for a little while.
[ He adds on quickly, ] Not that you have to. I know you've probably got shit to take care of, being the galaxy's best thief and all. Don't feel-- obligated.
[ She's a little worried when what she says gives him pause; whatever it made him think, it probably wasn't her intention, and she feels bad. Possibly even worse when he stumbles through his words when all he's trying to say is please stay.
Because, sure, she might have had a moment of hesitation about staying, earlier, but it was only because she thought it might be better for his recovery if she wasn't around, somehow. Safer, for sure, if she left to work things through with the Shadow Broker and maybe make some arrangements to keep the Ravagers away. And say, maybe, part of her feels like he doesn't need her as much as she needs him, or something. Still, there's nothing she'd want more than to stay with him, and that he thinks she might choose her work work over him hurts a little. Or maybe a lot. But nevertheless her hand drops down to rest on his shoulder as she tries at a smile. ]
Obligated? Peter, I want to stay here. With you, more specifically, but I'm... [ She sighs. ] Is that what you want? It sort of sounds like it is, but it's hard to tell when you're making it sound like I should be putting my work over you.
[ You've got more shit to worry about than your neurotic boyfriend, right?
It's more or less what he wants to say, because there are Reapers and a secret project and a whole mess of other problems that she can apply her skills to; the very last thing she should have to concern herself with is some dumbass guy who can't handle his shit on his own.
(He's been dealing with his own problems for a long time now. He's not sure what it is about having a girlfriend that would stop that now.)
SO he just sighs, settles back against the wall. He shakes his head a little. ]
Nevermind. Forget I asked. [ He offers a tiny smile. ] I'll be okay.
[ Kasumi's been helping the Crucible Project almost non-stop for the last five months, only taking breaks to run jobs for the Shadow Broker--and those were more often than not tangentially related to the Reapers, in any case. The way she sees it? None of it will even matter if Peter's not there at the end of all this, when the Reapers are defeated or whatever Shepard ends up doing with them--whether it's because he'd been taken away by the Ravagers, ordead, or even just. Not with her, for one reason or another.
She has a way of throwing herself into relationships, once she's found something--someone worth fighting for. It had been like this for Keiji, too.
It's plain to see, to her anyway, that he's not quite saying what he really means. But she doesn't want to push him too hard right away, so she'll back down for now. ]
Just remember that I'm here for you, okay? We all are.
Though I'm extra here for you. [ She tilts her head at him with a smile. ] Partners, remember?
[ He lets out a laugh, short and quiet, and nods, reaching out to squeeze her hand. ]
Yeah, I know. Partners.
Don't worry, though. Seriously. [ He manages another little smile for her. ] I'll be fine. I've been through a lot worse than this, y'know? Just lemme get a few days'a' sleep, and I'll be good as new.
[ She isn't quite convinced, but she'll bop him on the tip of his nose with her finger. ]
Sure thing, cowboy. [ She almost lets a "love" slip out, again, but she catches it just in time to tuck it away and think, not now. ] Just don't sleep the whole time, 'cause I might get bored. A girl's got needs, you know?
[ He's relieved that she lets it go. He knows he's-- not quite at the top of his game, right now, knows that his not nearly as convincing as he ought to be. Needing a few days is legitimate enough, at least; a few days of rest, and he'll at least be able to lie again. And he's pretty sure that's the first skill he's going to need back at full strength.
All the same, he puts on a sly smile for her, raises an eyebrow a little. ]
Yeah? Any needs you want me to take care of right now?
[ Without missing a beat, and she says it with certainty and sincerity in her voice: ] The only thing I really needed was you, and here you are, so I'm good.
[ She leans in closer, still, eyes half-lidded as she breaks eye contact with him in favor of staring the rest of him down. ]
I'm more curious to find out if you have needs I can take care of, Star-Lord. You're the one who's been stuck with a bunch of ugly guys for five months.
[ Sincerity is still a tricky thing for Peter, and usually he'd shy away from it in any form; but the earnestness in Kasumi's voice makes him smile a little. He's-- sort of touched, truth be told. Flattered. And he gives her hand another gentle squeeze in response.
As for what she says next, though, he smirks. ]
Well, I'd be an even bigger idiot than I already am to turn down an offer like that.
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He fucking loves that ship. It's been his home and his baby for seventeen years.
The injuries Kasumi tends to are old ones: old bruises on top of older bruises; scabbed-over cuts; scars from where he's been stitched up without the aid of Medi-Gel. His left side looks worse than his right. She doesn't ask, which is all the same to him. He's ashamed to admit there were some nights where he was just too bone-tired to fight back, just curled up on his side and hoped that a misplaced blow to the head would knock him out and end their fun.
But he can see the worry on her face, see how upset it makes her, and he feels like a fucking shithead for putting her through this. More than once he wants to tell her to stop, that he can do it himself, because that look of heartbreak on her face is killing him. But he doesn't. Because-- because it's nice. It's so fucking nice to have her hands on him, and her touch gentle and kind, and his eyes prickle as he screws them shut, and he just-- he's missed this. He needs this.
(It's somewhere around month four that the realization that he just might need her had started worming its way into his mind, though it hasn't settled yet.)
The Guardians are not naturally a touchy-feely bunch. Being raised among enemies or just-- being an asshole will do that to you. But the moment Peter's back on the ship, the others nearly trample them in their rush. Gamora reaches him first, because of course she does, and her hold around his rib cage makes him ache, and then Drax is enveloping them both, then Groot, then Rocket begrudgingly leans against Peter's leg.
He thinks they must've gotten this from him, the whole-- physical contact thing. Lord knows he's the only one who'd have done something like this. And he laughs and laughs, and he-- and-- and he just-- he fucking just--
He loses it.
Because all of the adrenaline is gone, and there's nothing left but the raw edges of everything rubbing together. He's an exposed nerve, and he needs to heal, but for now he's just. Relieved. Happy. Because Kasumi is here and his friends are here, and he's home, he's really home, for the first time in five months and some change, and he knows he's called them his family before, but they really are. They're his family, and he hasn't had a family in such a long, long time.
He doesn't know the last time he's fucking wept like this, like a goddamn kid with a skinned knee, and the alarmed murmurs from the others are enough to tell him that they have no idea that sometimes Terrans cry when they're overwhelmed by emotion, even happiness. Somehow, that's hilarious to him, so he laughs and cries all the more until his sides ache all over again, and he pulls Kasumi into the mess, too, because why not? He wants her here. She's as much a part of his life as this group of assholes, whether she wants to be or not.
(He hopes she does. He really hopes she does.)
It's not until he sags, exhausted, that they finally let him go -- sort of, anyway. Drax half carries him to his bunk, and he feigns annoyance at how clean it is, how he was hoping it'd be just the way he left it.
"Like hell we were just gonna leave your crap lyin' around, you idiot," Rocket said, and Peter didn't even realize he had followed them. "Pretty sure there was shit growin' in 'ere.."
"You must rest," is all Drax says, and he deposits Peter on the bunk. "You must regain your strength."
Peter just murmurs something alone the lines of, You got it, dude, and sleeps the instant his head hits the pillow.
When he wakes, he doesn't know where he is, and he panics. The engines sound wrong. It's too quiet. His heart's pounding in his chest and his mind is racing, and he can't remember how he got here, how did he get here? Did they take him here? What the fuck kinda game are the playing at now? Shit, they kept saying stuff about selling him to the Collector, didn't they? But he thought they were joking, but-- fuck, he let his guard down and now he doesn't know what's happening and--
-- and there are hands on him, gripping his shoulders and he lashes out, pulls away on instinct, but then the grip moves to his wrists once he lashes out again to give himself room to maneuver. The hands on his wrist are strong, really goddamn strong, and fucking fuck fuck, he knows what comes next, the punching bag game, the say-please-right game--
"Peter!"
That voice makes him freeze. It's different, and his sleep-addled takes longer to register, "feminine."
"Calm down, Peter. You're safe. You're on the Milano. You're safe."
It takes him longer than he wants to admit to get himself under control, to get himself to stop shaking and to breath like a normal person. Gamora doesn't let him go until his breath evens out. Once he's finally calm he glances around and-- is deeply disappointed.
... He had the inkling she wouldn't stay. And it's-- okay that she didn't. He understands--
"She's in the galley," Gamora says with a small, kind smile. As she leaves the room, she tosses over her shoulder, "I'll retrieve her." ]
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She snaps out of that reverie, however, when she hears Gamora yelling from Peter's bunk. Before she can even pause to wonder what's going on, she's already on her feet, rushing towards his room and nearly tripping over some gadget Rocket was working on--and Rocket yells at her, of course, but luckily Groot manages to stretch a branch out in time to catch her. But she doesn't spare a second to thank them, regretfully, because by the time Gamora's even taken two steps out of Peter's room, Kasumi's already there, right in front of her.
Gamora merely smiles at her much in the same way she just had at Peter and steps aside as if to say, "He wants to see you." Kasumi responds with a silent "Thanks, Gamora," before she slips past her and into Peter's room.
She should probably wait until the door's closed behind her to do anything rash like take off her hood and rush to his beside, but after everything they've been through in the last few--however long it's been? Screw it. She lingers at the door for only a few seconds before she does just that: making her way over to him, letting her hood drop (and it occurs to her that this is the first time she gets to see him without it on since the got taken, and that it would be the same for him), and taking a seat at the edge of the bed, her body hovering over his in concern. ]
Peter? What's wrong? I'm here--it's okay.
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It doesn't work, of course, and he doesn't know if it was the panic or the fact that he's just exhausted that's doing it, but either way it makes him feel silly and weak and like a god damn invalid.
And then Kasumi's there, and he was hoping he would have a few moments, at least, to compose himself when Gamora brought her, but no such luck. Peter's never had good luck, after all. ]
I'm fine.
[ His voice is unsteady and hoarse, and he hates himself for it; he knows she won't like that answer, though, so he goes adds as an afterthought, ]
Had a bad dream.
[ And that, he thinks, is believable enough. No need for them to start worrying that he'll wake up swinging every morning, now. He licks his lip as he settles, sitting the pillow up to cushion his back. ]
I-- thought you'd have headed out by now.
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What he says--that he'd thought she'd have left by now--makes her heart twist a little, though, and she pulls herself away in guilt. Because she thought she'd have left by now, too, and how goddamn awful is that? That someone you care for so much--someone you might even love--just finally found his way home after going through hell for months, and your first instinct was maybe I should leave? Kasumi's kicking herself enough already for that, but to hear it from Peter too--that stings. She knows he probably didn't mean any harm by it, but it's unsettling all the same.
Because there's a part of her that, especially after all this, doesn't want to leave, maybe ever. There's a part of her that just wants to be with him and always have his back and be there when he needs a well-placed decoy or a silent strike to a tricky enemy, be there whenever he needs someone to sooth him back into sleep after a bad dream. But she knows that's impossible; she has obligations to fulfill and there's still the fact that she's carrying potentially war-igniting intel with her in her brain and she's dangerous and--damn, is all Kasumi thinks. Damn it. I'm such an idiot.
She tries not to let that train of thought run away, but she'll manage her best reassuring smile at him. ]
Sorry. It looks like you'll be stuck with me for a while longer.
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Hey, you're not hearin' any complaints from me.
[ He's genuinely glad she's still here, at least. He knows she has far more important shit to do, stuff like helping the illustrious Commander Shepard save the galaxy, than waiting for her stupid boyfriend to wake up from an impromptu nap. And he's still tired, but he's awake, now; and if sleeping means waking up like that, terrified and panicked and lashing out at the first touch, then maybe sleeping around Kasumi isn't such a great idea.
He swallows nervously and licks his lips. ]
I didn't get a chance to-- say thanks before. So-- thanks. [ He reaches to take her hand. ] For talkin' some sense into me. I know it's not an easy thing to do.
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His thanking her does give her some confusion, though, and her brows furrow every so slightly in that regard. ]
Peter, I-- I should be the one thanking you. You went through so much for us. I can't... I can't even imagine how much pain you've been through.
[ She stops there, because she figures that talking about what happened is probably the last thing he wants, at the moment, so instead she'll climb into bed and sit beside him, her head resting on his shoulder. ]
Anyway, I should be saying sorry, too. I lost my cool a few times back there, didn't I? That wasn't cool of me.
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Don't worry. Figured it was a healthy application of tough love.
[ He leans his cheek against her hair and lets his eyes slip shut, and he just-- breathes. Just relaxes. God, he's missed this so badly, and he never knew he would.
And he just-- he wants things to go back to normal as soon as possible. Now, preferably. And this bullshit has really fucked them up, he knows that much. He didn't mean for it to turn out like this. He didn't mean for Kasumi to get hurt like this, when he just wanted to protect her.
He wants things to be normal so badly.
He wraps his arm around her, turns slightly to press a kiss to the top of her head, then rests his chin there. ]
It's fine, honestly. [ Peter's always been a good conman, and he infuses a steadiness, a confidence to his voice that he doesn't quite feel. ] We'll be alright.
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But she'll leave it at that, for now, because right now she just wants to live in the moment. No what ifs or we should haves or anything of the sort; just right here, right now, and the two of them, and she reaches over to rest a hand on his leg. She missed him so much, and to have a moment like this with him again--just sitting next to each other, even--almost feels like a dream, when so many nights while they were apart the thought of never having this again would keep her up, more so than usual. ]
Yeah. [ She takes in a deep breath and smiles to herself. ] We'll get through this. Getting through things is what we do, right?
[ And then, she lets out a small laugh; she can't help it, anymore. ] God, I missed you so much, Peter.
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"He ain't no use broken," Peter overheard Yondu say, once. He's pretty sure Yondu was talking about him, after Peter was sent to the medic in the early days of his return. It sort of sounded like he was giving them permission.
-- He shies away from that train of thought. It'll just-- piss him off. Make him angry and upset, make him feel useless and powerless.
Think about now, Peter, he tells himself.
Right now he's on a ship filled with people who kind of maybe give a shit about him, and he has a beautiful woman in his bed who risked a whole fucking lot on his behalf, and he owes it to all of them, he thinks, to get things back on their old track as soon as possible.
He smirks a little, or tries to -- which is for the best, because Kasumi can't see the botched attempted anyway, positioned as they are. ]
Well, there are a lot of good things about me to miss. My looks and my sense of humor, for one. My modesty, for another.
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I can't argue with that. But you forgot your finely sculpted body, or is that lumped in with looks?
[ She lets out another little laugh to herself, then falls silent. It is so like Peter to dissipate an emotional moment with witty quips and that--well, that's one of the things she loves about him. When she looks back at him, she finds herself staring. It's been a long time since they've been this physically close to each other without there being any hurry or panic, so she's a little... lost. On him. Because, again, part of her thought she would never get this chance again, to look into his light eyes, to smile at the way strands of his hair would sometimes disobey the rules and fall to his forehead, to see the way he licks his lips, sometimes, and... then she's stuck on his lips. Cut up and dry as they might be, she wants to kiss him because it's been so long, but she doesn't make any moves for now in case he's not--I don't know, Kasumi thinks, maybe this is just me. He's probably too tired, or he's not in the mood, or something. So her gaze shifts back up to his eyes. ]
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But-- he knows he looks like shit. Medi-Gel doesn't do anything for bruising or for healed-over cuts, so what they ended up using on the trip back to the Milano was for the new stuff, the new wounds he'd bandaged when he could haul himself to the med bay. And he's lost some weight and looking pretty gaunt; he's seriously lacking in the sleep department, and put that in conjunction with the black eyes, and he imagines he looks like a zombie from a Romero film.
Or, failing that, like he's in the middle of putting together a Rocket costume.
And her open staring kind of-- unsettles him. His free hand rubs the back of neck, and he licks his dry lips nervously. His gaze flicks to a spot on his bedspread. ]
... See something you like?
[ It's a touch sarcastic, a touch self-deprecating. Humor is an easy defense mechanism, after all. ]
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[ Her tone is lighthearted and humorous, with its own tint of sarcasm as well. Jokes aside, though, she reaches for his cheek, touching it gently. He may be bruised and beaten and cut in places, but he's still the sweetest, most handsome man in all the galaxy, to her.
And even though it's nowhere near as bad as Peter's, Kasumi's looks like it's seen better days, too. The bags under her eyes telling of just how many sleepless nights she's had, and a small but noticeable cut on her cheek serving as a shameful mark from a close fight with a Phantom, one in which Kasumi actually struggled, if only because her body wasn't obeying her in the way it normally does. It was tired, fatigued, and weighed down by the cloudiness in her mind.
After that mishap, Feron never let her go on any more with him without taking a stimulation pack, first. ]
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Yeah, sure. Gimme a few weeks, and I'll look a whole lot better.
[ With her hood down, he notices the dark circles beneath her eyes, and his brows knit together slightly, worried. ]
... Hey. You been getting much sleep, lately?
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I'm looking forward to it, already.
[ But then she purses her lips at his question. She shouldn't be the one he's worried about, right now. She should be the one worrying over him, which she undoubtedly is, and he should be worrying about himself, about getting better.
And she knows she can't make light of this; she can't half-lie, half-truth her way out of this when it's clear that no, she hasn't been getting much or any sleep, lately, to the point where it's interfering with work and inadvertently making it more dangerous. It wasn't her style, letting her own health and well-being deteriorate in the slightest, despite the fact that she has a habit of working herself to the ground and not sleeping well. But when your lover is in an uncertain state of danger, you have no idea where he could even be, and the last time you saw him he just looked miserable and hurt yet he still sent you away, she just. Couldn't sleep, for some nights. She was scared, worried, and guilty all in one bundle of restlessness.
Then there was a night, when she had an all-too-vivid dream, and all the nights after that she'd given up on getting any good rest. She was back, on Bekenstein, all of a sudden. Everything played out almost exactly like That Time, down to her leaping from a ship and skydiving down to Donovan Hock's office, down to her tipping her hand too early, to her deceiving the guards with her decoy, to her hearing a blood-curdling scream over her comms.
Only this time, the scream wasn't Keiji's. It was Peter's, and when she lost her shit, blew her cover, ran to her partner's last known location, she didn't find Keiji's body hanging onto life in a pool of his own blood--she found Peter's.
So she'll try, try to be honest about this, but she still doesn't want to worry him. ]
Not lately, no. [ A beat. ] Been on a lot of busy jobs.
[ Well, maybe a little white lie wouldn't hurt. ]
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But-- it's not really in Peter's nature to pry, even when it comes to the people closest to him. Sure, he'll express curiosity, but he's not the type to poke and prod until the truth comes out; he's the type to let the truth come out naturally -- when it needs to.
(Because he doesn't actually like truth. He likes fantasy. He likes warped facts and half-lies and and pretending everything is fine.
It's how he's lasted all this time, honestly.)
So he gets it when Kasumi dodges his question, sidesteps it in favor of a small lie. He understands. It's not hard to tell that it has to do with him, has to do with the shit he's made everyone put up with these past several months, and he's-- in a way, he's glad she didn't bring it up.
He just wants normalcy again. He wants to bury the memories of the past five months and change as deep as he can, wants to forget how fucking miserable and worried sick he was about everything -- his own life and the well-being of his crew without him there.
(And the sinking feeling that they really don't need him, anyway, when all he has to offer is a working ship and a hanful of shitty jokes they rarely understand, anyway.)
A part of him knows that this isn't really his fault, that it was Yondu that pulled this shit on them. But he still feels guilty for getting sloppy and letting his guard down. He wishes he'd had some sort of sixth sense, some sort of awareness that something was up, that his old Ravager buddies were just around the corner. He really should've known.
So the sooner he can convince everyone that everything's fine, the sooner they can put this shit behind them. ]
Workaholic. [ He says it softly, fondly. ] That's your problem. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." You ever heard that before?
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[ Her hand moves from his cheek up, running her fingers and affectionately gently through his hair. As much as she wants things to be normal again, too, she knows that they can't, or at least not completely so. On her part, she'll have to be much, much more careful when she's alone on jobs. Maybe do things like only talk to Peter on the most secure channel she can use, do more jobs for the Shadow Broker and their people in exchange for information about the Ravagers to make sure she or the Guardians aren't even in the same quadrant of the galaxy, and maybe she finally needs to get out of Illium, in case it's been compromised. She has a lot of thinking to do, in short.
And she knows that, as much as Peter might want to pretend this never happened so that things can just go back to the way thing used to be, he won't completely heal unless he talks it out with someone. Maybe even her. She knows he'll hate that, and she's going to hate having to drag it out of him, but it would hopefully be cathartic to him, and well. Being there for him is something she needs to be, seeing as she couldn't exactly do that for the last five or so months. Kasumi would agree, though, that now definitely isn't the time for that; she just knows it'll be a thing, sometime down the line.
So she'll push these thoughts out of her mind for now, and maybe come back to them for when Peter falls back asleep (and this time she'll be sure to at least be in the room, in case something happens). For now, she'll be Playful, Fun Kasumi and her words take on a joking tone, just in hopes of lifting his spirits even a little. ]
Well, someone had to bring home the bacon while you were away, you know? Feed the kids and all that. I'm fully expecting you to be helping and taking some of this workload off of me at some point, yeah? It's the least you could do.
[ Her eyes close halfway, slowly, as she leans in and plants a soft kiss on his cheek. ]
I think for now, though, we both could use a little break. And that's coming from me.
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This-- going back to normal thing may be harder than he thought. ]
Yeah. A break. [ he pounces on the change in topic immediately, dredging up a smile for her. ] Maybe you could-- [ he breaks off, then a little more tentatively, ] If you've got time, anyway. Maybe you could-- I dunno. Stay. Here, I mean. Just for a little while.
[ He adds on quickly, ] Not that you have to. I know you've probably got shit to take care of, being the galaxy's best thief and all. Don't feel-- obligated.
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Because, sure, she might have had a moment of hesitation about staying, earlier, but it was only because she thought it might be better for his recovery if she wasn't around, somehow. Safer, for sure, if she left to work things through with the Shadow Broker and maybe make some arrangements to keep the Ravagers away. And say, maybe, part of her feels like he doesn't need her as much as she needs him, or something. Still, there's nothing she'd want more than to stay with him, and that he thinks she might choose her work work over him hurts a little. Or maybe a lot. But nevertheless her hand drops down to rest on his shoulder as she tries at a smile. ]
Obligated? Peter, I want to stay here. With you, more specifically, but I'm... [ She sighs. ] Is that what you want? It sort of sounds like it is, but it's hard to tell when you're making it sound like I should be putting my work over you.
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[ You've got more shit to worry about than your neurotic boyfriend, right?
It's more or less what he wants to say, because there are Reapers and a secret project and a whole mess of other problems that she can apply her skills to; the very last thing she should have to concern herself with is some dumbass guy who can't handle his shit on his own.
(He's been dealing with his own problems for a long time now. He's not sure what it is about having a girlfriend that would stop that now.)
SO he just sighs, settles back against the wall. He shakes his head a little. ]
Nevermind. Forget I asked. [ He offers a tiny smile. ] I'll be okay.
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She has a way of throwing herself into relationships, once she's found something--someone worth fighting for. It had been like this for Keiji, too.
It's plain to see, to her anyway, that he's not quite saying what he really means. But she doesn't want to push him too hard right away, so she'll back down for now. ]
Just remember that I'm here for you, okay? We all are.
Though I'm extra here for you. [ She tilts her head at him with a smile. ] Partners, remember?
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Yeah, I know. Partners.
Don't worry, though. Seriously. [ He manages another little smile for her. ] I'll be fine. I've been through a lot worse than this, y'know? Just lemme get a few days'a' sleep, and I'll be good as new.
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Sure thing, cowboy. [ She almost lets a "love" slip out, again, but she catches it just in time to tuck it away and think, not now. ] Just don't sleep the whole time, 'cause I might get bored. A girl's got needs, you know?
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All the same, he puts on a sly smile for her, raises an eyebrow a little. ]
Yeah? Any needs you want me to take care of right now?
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[ She leans in closer, still, eyes half-lidded as she breaks eye contact with him in favor of staring the rest of him down. ]
I'm more curious to find out if you have needs I can take care of, Star-Lord. You're the one who's been stuck with a bunch of ugly guys for five months.
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As for what she says next, though, he smirks. ]
Well, I'd be an even bigger idiot than I already am to turn down an offer like that.
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