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[He wrinkles his nose, like 'duh' is just around the corner.]

I will. Most of it was from the plane crash thing.

[.................. 'most' of it]

I haven't dropped it off any buildings yet, though!

[ Yeah. He doesn’t look particularly convinced, and the kid is hardly making a case for himself. ]

Have you considered putting your phone on a wrist strap or something?

Oh, I've been keeping it on a little belt thingy with my network phone.

[He rubs the back of his neck.]

... But I guess that doesn't really protect it when people fling me into stuff or throw acid at me or whatever's going on that week... Too bad a spider can't bite my phone and make it ridiculously hard to bust up.

[ He starts to answer, except—

... that was an oddly specific example, and Peter’s expression, yet again, pinches. ]

When did someone throw acid at you?

[ what the fuck have you even been doing ]

Huh? Oh, uh. It's been a couple weeks since that whole... thing. Just some drunk alien lady with a bunch of arms that threw acid, and I had to web her up to stop her from flinging it everywhere outside of a liquor store? I'm pretty sure she was wasted because of troubles with the spouse.

But it's cool, I'm totally healed now. [He shows Quill his forearm where it's baby smooth. It used to be a super gnarly chemical burn, yesh.] One of the perks of being a spider guy... Not sure why, but it is.

[I've been defending and serving the public dude, it's my new job!

... Can you see why Tony Stark might be nervous about my whereabouts sometimes.]

Edited 2018-06-27 23:49 (UTC)

[ ... boi.

But, listen, Peter can’t really judge the kid for throwing himself headlong into trouble, considering they were routinely bringing Groot into fights back home. (Plus, Peter had a bad habit of sneaking Groot out beyond the walls with him when he was out doing work with the Perimeter Guard, so.

MCU? More like MECU – Marvel Endangers Children Universe.)

At length, Peter just sort of huffs out a breath, sinking down a little where he sits. ]

I could use some of that fast-forward healing, right now.

[ Because of the discomfort, sure, but mostly because he’s starting to get bored with convalescing. Like, how is he supposed to just lie here all day, and not go insane? ]

[He frowns and looks at Peter's side, like he can see his ribs.

He can't, for the record, but he can hear a steady heartbeat if he focuses hard enough.]

Is it still pretty bad?

You should've told me you were so banged up.

I could've sling-shotted you through the roof.

[smirk]

[ A pause. Then, ]

In what way would that help, exactly?

Bragging rights for me, when I tell people how high you went?

[HA.]

Where did you even run off to?

[ He puts on an insincere sort of smile – the one he puts on whenever Drax tells a slightly off-color joke. ]

I’m gonna pass on the slingshotting, thanks. That’s what I have a jetpack for.

[ no big deal

As for the question, Peter shrugs a shoulder. ]

Was trying to look for a couple guys. [ And despite the lightness of his voice, there’s an edge to the words. ] Only managed to track down one of them, though.

Oh. [He frowns, trying to read the meaning behind the edge. So probably some guys who roughed him up in there, he's betting? The idea makes his stomach drop, because it only reminds him of the little boy who had wailed into his chest, or the exhausted woman who weakly thanked him when he carried her out of there. And so many familiar faces, collared, anxious, eager for aid...

Peter realizes he's lapsed into a silence, his phone a tool to fidget with in his hands. He's not sure how to even begin to ask further, but he at least says with a fond earnestness:]

I'm glad you're safe.

[A pause.]

I'll be keeping an eye on the streets — the last few days I've been on active duty weeding out any cultists who managed to sneak away. We can't afford to let them regroup anywhere, even if there's not a lot of them left.

[Thank god for Karen's face recognition software.]

[ The silence is telling, honestly, and Peter realizes that this is some heavy shit they’re sitting on the edge of. Maybe it’s best to not overwhelm the kid with how petty Peter can be, how viciously he can hold onto a grudge, if the motivation is right. Peter’s not the kind of guy who actively seeks revenge, and most slights he can forgive (hell, he doesn’t really hold it against the other Guardians how they all actively tried to physically harm him, at some point), but if the crime were particularly awful, if the person were particularly monstrous?

Then... yeah. Peter might go for it.

The kid finally says something, and the sincerity in his voice scythes through some of the bitterness Peter still feels, a week later. His expression softens a little, and when Peter speaks again, the edge has been sanded away. Mostly, he just sounds tired. ]

There was this cultist. Dude with a metal arm. I think his name was Shiloh.

If you find him before I do, do me a favor? Rip off his arm and slap him with it.

[His eyes go a little wide at the details. Oh, geez.]

... If he tries to punch me with it, I wouldn't mind karate chopping it off... or something.... [And if you needed a stark contrast between the Petes, it's this: Peter Parker is absolutely awful at being violent. Like, why rip off an arm when he can just kick em into a wall and web 'em up? It's a work in progress, born from not having much of a mean bone in his body and a pretty peaceful childhood (like sure there are jerks in every kid's youth but-)] Is he the guy who roughed you up like this?

[That'll give him some inspiration to be a little meaner than usual.]

No. I took care of that guy.

[ This Peter isn’t usually all that violent, either, but there have absolutely been times where rage blinded him and left him moving on instinct alone. Usually it took threatening something – someone – to send him over that edge.

Stealing his Zune and encouraging his fellows to beat the shit out of Peter is hardly the most atrocious thing anyone has ever done to him, but when the his chance for payback arrived, Peter— wasn’t exactly feeling like himself.

So he was crueler than he needed to be. And honestly, he could have done worse – and at the time, he absolutely wanted to – but Gamora stepped in. Got them back on track. Let Peter kill the guy for some fucked up sense of closure. ]

He helped captured a friend of mine. Messed with her the whole time we were there. I dunno where the dude ended up, but I don’t remember seeing him when shit hit the fan.

[He bites his lip, listening with his full interest.

That'd do it. He's honestly not sure how he'd react if someone tormented Ned in front of him, but it — it wouldn't be pretty. He knows things like that would leave little room for anything but outrage and a desire to really just — hurt someone. Bad. He nods.]

... Right. I'll go back and check with Karen, see if she can pull up a list of all the people officially taken in by law enforcement. There should be recorded rosters of whoever was involved in the whole mess by now...

[Has he ever introduced you to Karen? No? He really should, because she's a great robot mom thing.]

Is Karen some kinda contact you have with the cops?

[ that seems like the most logical conclusion ]

Oh, no. She's the AI system who lives in my Spider-Man mask!

[WAGS HAND NONCHALANTLY.]

She's super nice. You'd like her.

[ A beat. Then, ]

She’s a what who does what.

She's an AI. You know, artificial intelligence... all of that cool robo-stuff...

Like... [what's something ancient he could relate to] KITT, from Knight Rider? She kinda helps me out when I'm out on the job. You'd have to actually put on the mask to even hear her, though.

[ Peter waves a hand dismissively. ]

Dude. I know what an AI is. I lived in space.

I’m just wondering why you need one.

[WELL GOSH IT'S NOT LIKE U WERE CLEAR BIG P E T E.]

It was something Mr. Stark put into the suit, and it's kinda like... having a hands-free option when you're trying to get stuff done and crawl around on walls or swing through skyscrapers.

... At first it was really weird, but... now the nicest thing is having someone to talk to when everyone else is probably sleeping. It gets kinda' lonely on the night shift.

[Clearly the real reason Tony put an AI in the suit.]

[ He casts the kid a thoughtful sort of look, lower jaw shifting a little to one side. Then, ]

You know, if you get tired of talking to Mother— [ And who let Peter watch Alien? It is a mystery (actually, no it isn’t; it was probably his grandpa, a lover of horror movies), but rest assured that Peter was way too young to see that movie. ] —you can always give me a ring.

[Oh, that's...! Really nice, actually. He looks humbled.

But then he decides to be a goof, so he doesn't get sappy.]

I dunno, that sounds like a terrible time for you. Patrolling is where I get all my weird shower thoughts. Like when I realized Centaurs have two rib cages. Or how cell phones are this generation's pocket watches. And what exactly is a snail's goal in life? Where's it going?

Or why Goofy gets to wear clothes and have a house while Pluto is Mickey's pet?

[ listen, kid, Peter has 100% been there. ]

Yeah, I get it.

[........... His eyes go all round at this new revelation.]

Dude.

[That translates to: holy shit you're right, what the fuck is up with that???]

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