[ Guess whose gaze is flicking away immediately? ]
It's just not a good idea. I, uh. I'm just can't-- really see myself in a relationship.
[ which is mostly true, at least. He's never been the type to remember holidays or anniversaries or whatever the hell, so-- he's at least not really lying, at the moment. ]
And maybe a post-apocalyptic wasteland where we're being lorded over by a mysterious corporation with way too much power isn't a good place to try, but if they were to take you away tomorrow, I'd regret the last month more than anything in the world.
[ She gets up, crossing the small space between them to sit next to him on his bunk ]
I'd regret it because we had a chance and we didn't take it, and now it feels like there's a wall between me and the person I trust and care about the most.
[ He doesn't quite stiffen at her approach, though it's a close thing, but his reaction to what she says is a different matter entirely. Peter freezes up entirely, eyes fixed on that random spot on the floor, and his mind draws a blank.
... how's a guy supposed to respond to that, anyway? Because, well, she's pretty much hit the nail on the head. A part of him is asking, Why don't we give it a shot? while another part is screaming, Don't. This is dangerous. Pull up out of this dive, Maverick.
It's pretty clear it's his turn to talk, now, but he doesn't have any words at the ready; his brain scrambles for something, just to fill the awkward silence (though it's probably only a few seconds), and he clears his throat. ]
Listen, Maya. I really do think you're awesome, but this-- I dunno. It's-- I don't know if it's a good idea.
--I'm really not-- boyfriend material. Or whatever. I'm more the one-night stand sorta guy. And-- listen, like I said, I think you're awesome. I really do. It's just-- the relationship thing--
[ He abruptly runs out of words, and he rubs the back of his neck as he tries to find them. ]
[ she slips off the mattress, crouching in front of him to get into his line of sight. This is slipping out of her grasp again, and she doesn't know if she can take another day with this wall between them, let alone a month. ]
[ He should've taken off when he still had the chance.
Because while Maya isn't exactly keeping him there, he has the weirdest sensation that she's sort of got him pinned down, and his instinct to run is screaming at the back of his head. This problem is getting too big, and because he's ignored it, it just seems to be getting bigger.
Who knew? ]
Afraid? I'm not not afraid of anything. [ At the very least, he has mind enough to sound defensive. ]
What, a dude can't think something's just a bad idea?
[ for a moment she doesn't say anything. Her fingers grip the fabric of her pants and she stares at the space in between them.
She's not sure what she expected from this endeavor, but for a moment it felt like they were at least moving forward. Now it all seems to have ground to a halt and she can't take it anymore. ]
God damn you.
[ that's all the warning he gets before she surges up and kisses him ]
This is the exact last thing he expected, which is why he makes a muffled noise, equal parts surprise and protest. He was probably trying to say, "Maya?!" before the word was lost.
His hands hover over her shoulders without touching, but he's-- he's pretty sure he should push her off. That would be the right thing to do. The gentlemanly thing. Because he's going to fuck this up. He's gonna break her heart. He's most assuredly going to ruin the one of the extremely few good thing he's got going in Haven. He's--
He's--
He's really fucking missed this.
Before he realizes what he's doing, he's pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around to keep her in place, and-- decision made, it seems? ]
[ Something in her chest untwists when he pulls her close, when he kisses her back. She thought for sure he was going to shove her away.
One of her hands grips the fabric of his shirt, and the other tangles in his hair, and she doesn't dare break this kiss. If she does, he might push her away again, he might tell her this is a bad idea. She wants everything to be okay for as long as it can be. ]
[ Okay, just a second or two more of this. After that, he's going to pull her away (gently), let her down easy. Remind her that he's really not boyfriend material, that he's not the sort of person you can bring home to Mom and Dad, that he's just going to hurt her--
... Maybe just. A few more seconds.
-- Okay. Okay, a few more seconds is up, so go on, Quill. Break the kiss.
Peter makes a small, needy noise at the back of his throat.
[ Maya breaks away for only the barest of seconds- just long enough to shift around and straddle his hips- then she's going right back in to kiss him again.
This is so stupid. They should probably talk about this, but she still feels like she needs to stave off the inevitable. ]
[ Yep. Sure. Stupid. That's exactly what this is. It's-- it's dumb, and reckless, and whenever this ends, Peter's going to feel really, really shitty about all of this.
And in those few, quick seconds when she pulls away to readjust, he does feel that surge of guilt, that nagging feeling that says, You shouldn't have done that, and then Maya's lips are on his again and relief washes through him, pulls that guilt into the undertow, and he suddenly can't remember what he was just thinking about.
Also, what the Christ? When did Maya get so good at this? ]
[ Come on now, Peter. She had a really good teacher for a while there. Nice to know she hasn't gotten rusty.
But she knows- they can't keep this up forever. Eventually they will have to stop, they'll have to have a discussion, and she'll have to brace herself for the worst.
So when she finally pulls away, it's with great reluctance. She keeps her hands on either side of his face, thumbs brushing his cheeks. ] Please don't tell me that... that after all of that, you don't want this, too.
[ he makes a quiet, protesting hum when she finally pulls away, which would normally be embarrassing, but he figures, hey, cut a guy some slack, right? It's been a while.
He looks dazed, and he's definitely breathless, cheeks slightly flushed, which is why it takes him a moment or two to gather his faculties enough to register her words and to form a response more coherent than, "Ngahwha???" He swallows, nervous and unsure. ]
I-- I don't--
Listen, I really do like you -- like-like you, even -- but-- I don't know if you've thought this through enough...
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[ she trails off, gaze sliding to the floor ] I just want to know how you honestly feel. That's all I'm asking here.
Because I still don't know and it's driving me crazy.
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I already told you, didn't I? I mean-- I don't wanna pick at old wounds here, but I just-- I think it's better we stay friends.
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-- That's not really important, is it?
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I think it's incredibly important.
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It's just not a good idea. I, uh. I'm just can't-- really see myself in a relationship.
[ which is mostly true, at least. He's never been the type to remember holidays or anniversaries or whatever the hell, so-- he's at least not really lying, at the moment. ]
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And maybe a post-apocalyptic wasteland where we're being lorded over by a mysterious corporation with way too much power isn't a good place to try, but if they were to take you away tomorrow, I'd regret the last month more than anything in the world.
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... Yeah. I'm... really sorry about that.
I'll, uh. Try to be less-- weird?
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I'd regret it because we had a chance and we didn't take it, and now it feels like there's a wall between me and the person I trust and care about the most.
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... how's a guy supposed to respond to that, anyway? Because, well, she's pretty much hit the nail on the head. A part of him is asking, Why don't we give it a shot? while another part is screaming, Don't. This is dangerous. Pull up out of this dive, Maverick.
It's pretty clear it's his turn to talk, now, but he doesn't have any words at the ready; his brain scrambles for something, just to fill the awkward silence (though it's probably only a few seconds), and he clears his throat. ]
Listen, Maya. I really do think you're awesome, but this-- I dunno. It's-- I don't know if it's a good idea.
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[ He abruptly runs out of words, and he rubs the back of his neck as he tries to find them. ]
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[ --nope, still can't find words. Damn. Why did he ever stop going to school?
Oh, right. Space pirates.
Er, how about now? ]
I, uh--
[ --okay, Quill. It's okay. Deep breaths. We're all on your side. Try again. ]
I just-- can't.
[ ... #nailedit. ]
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[ she slips off the mattress, crouching in front of him to get into his line of sight. This is slipping out of her grasp again, and she doesn't know if she can take another day with this wall between them, let alone a month. ]
What are you so afraid of?
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Because while Maya isn't exactly keeping him there, he has the weirdest sensation that she's sort of got him pinned down, and his instinct to run is screaming at the back of his head. This problem is getting too big, and because he's ignored it, it just seems to be getting bigger.
Who knew? ]
Afraid? I'm not not afraid of anything. [ At the very least, he has mind enough to sound defensive. ]
What, a dude can't think something's just a bad idea?
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She's not sure what she expected from this endeavor, but for a moment it felt like they were at least moving forward. Now it all seems to have ground to a halt and she can't take it anymore. ]
God damn you.
[ that's all the warning he gets before she surges up and kisses him ]
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This is the exact last thing he expected, which is why he makes a muffled noise, equal parts surprise and protest. He was probably trying to say, "Maya?!" before the word was lost.
His hands hover over her shoulders without touching, but he's-- he's pretty sure he should push her off. That would be the right thing to do. The gentlemanly thing. Because he's going to fuck this up. He's gonna break her heart. He's most assuredly going to ruin the one of the extremely few good thing he's got going in Haven. He's--
He's--
He's really fucking missed this.
Before he realizes what he's doing, he's pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around to keep her in place, and-- decision made, it seems? ]
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One of her hands grips the fabric of his shirt, and the other tangles in his hair, and she doesn't dare break this kiss. If she does, he might push her away again, he might tell her this is a bad idea. She wants everything to be okay for as long as it can be. ]
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... Maybe just. A few more seconds.
-- Okay. Okay, a few more seconds is up, so go on, Quill. Break the kiss.
Peter makes a small, needy noise at the back of his throat.
Goddammit, Quill. ]
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This is so stupid. They should probably talk about this, but she still feels like she needs to stave off the inevitable. ]
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And in those few, quick seconds when she pulls away to readjust, he does feel that surge of guilt, that nagging feeling that says, You shouldn't have done that, and then Maya's lips are on his again and relief washes through him, pulls that guilt into the undertow, and he suddenly can't remember what he was just thinking about.
Also, what the Christ? When did Maya get so good at this? ]
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But she knows- they can't keep this up forever. Eventually they will have to stop, they'll have to have a discussion, and she'll have to brace herself for the worst.
So when she finally pulls away, it's with great reluctance. She keeps her hands on either side of his face, thumbs brushing his cheeks. ] Please don't tell me that... that after all of that, you don't want this, too.
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He looks dazed, and he's definitely breathless, cheeks slightly flushed, which is why it takes him a moment or two to gather his faculties enough to register her words and to form a response more coherent than, "Ngahwha???" He swallows, nervous and unsure. ]
I-- I don't--
Listen, I really do like you -- like-like you, even -- but-- I don't know if you've thought this through enough...
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