open post;

[nostalgiabomb]

( x )

Comments

[nostalgiabomb]

Dunno why you would. [ He settles into the bed, trying to get comfortable. ] I tend to come out on top, right?

[animated]

You worry about me, don't you?

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He knows where this is going, so he does his best to deflect. ]

Only because your bones are basically dust.

[animated]

I've got your number Peter. Don't dodge the question.

[nostalgiabomb]

I'm not dodging. I'm just sayin', we gotta keep an eye on you, since you're all brittle.

[animated]

You are dodging. That's what you do.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He shrugs. ]

Kinda how I've stayed alive so long. Learning how to duck.

[ -- yep, still dodging. ]

[animated]

[ Peter, Peter. You should know by now that when push comes to shove, Charlie goes straight for the jugular. ]

Is that it? You duck and you dodge, and you keep people at an arm's length because, why? Because you don't want them to care about you? Because you don't know how to handle it when they do care about you?

I'm curious. Humor me with a straight answer, why don't you?

[nostalgiabomb]

[ ... wow, okay, he invites Charlie into his bed, and this is the thanks he gets? See if he invites you back in here ever again.

Because the thing of it is, he doesn't have an answer for that-- for any of it. Keeping his distance has always been his modus operandi -- it's how the Ravagers raised him, anyway, and he's never really given it a second thought. It just made sense.

People have come and gone in his life, and he's used to it. They either leave him, like Mom, or they end up on the wrong side, like Yondu and the Ravagers. And one of these days, the team is going to realize that Peter's the weak link in this group, and they'll move along, too. They'll keep up contact for a while, and then they'll fade away.

And eventually, Charlie is gonna see what a fucking lump he is, and cosmic entanglement or no cosmic entanglement, he's going to leave, too.

It's just what happens, and it's fine.

He sits up with a wince, sucking air between his teeth. ]

The hell do you want me to say, man? Boo-fucking-hoo, I can't handle affection. Is that it?

[animated]

Maybe, if it's the truth.

I'd just appreciate it if for once an attempt at an actual, serious conversation didn't turn into a joke about my age.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ he makes a frustrated noise ]

I don't know what the hell you want me to tell you, man. What the fuck do you want from me?

[animated]

All I want is for you to understand that you worry about me, I worry about you. That's how relationships work.

So don't act like I'm not supposed to care when I very clearly do.

[nostalgiabomb]

Fine. I worry. You worry. We're just a circlejerk of emotions that apparently needs to be acknowledged aloud.

Happy?

[animated]

No.

[ He sighs, eyes cast at the ceiling. ] I didn't want this to become a fight.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ disgusted noise ]

Everything's a fight with us. Dunno how you're not surprised by it at this point.

[animated]

[ He's quiet for a very long moment ]

I don't want to fight with you. I really don't. [ He hauls himself off the bed, moving to grab his coat and his shoes ]

It'd just be nice to get a little confirmation once in a while that you keep me around for something other than a good fuck.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ -- What the hell.

For a long moment, Peter just. Gapes. Apparently he's doing his best fish impression, because his eyes are wide, and he keeps grasping for words that won't come.

He also feels the unpleasant sensation of falling, plummeting down and down and down, but with a rope just within his reach to save himself. He could just grab for it, but he hasn't -- because when he does, it'll hurt. But it'll hurt even more if he lands, won't it? ]

-- Wait.

[ It's the only thing he can think of to say, and even then it comes out weakly, hesitantly, voice thin and thready. But he can't just-- he can't let Charlie leave on a note like that, right? ]

Just-- I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. I didn't mean--

[ He rubs at the-- less shitty side of his face. ] All this shit is so fucking complicated.

[animated]

[ Quiet and hesitant as it is, that "wait" may as well have been a physical force, because Charlie freezes. He doesn't make a move to turn around ]

So what do you want me to do, Peter?

[nostalgiabomb]

I don't fucking know, okay?

[ He's still quiet, but he's a weird mix of pissed and frustrated and nervous, because these are uncharted waters for him. He's getting used to the idea of relationships that don't have some sort of catch. Friendships that don't come with the caveat of "as soon as this is over, I'm killing you."

So to try to get used to some sort of romantic relationship, one that he expects to last beyond breakfast the next day? It's like taking a swan dive into a tiny pool from a million feet up. Because the expectation is to get it right the first time -- but the likelihood of crashing onto concrete is way higher. ]

I barely even know what the fuck I'm doing.

[animated]

[ There's another long pause on Charlie's end. ]

I'm being unfair, aren't I?

[nostalgiabomb]

No? Yeah?

[ he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. ]

I dunno. Probably not? But it sure fucking feels like it, honestly.

[animated]

No, no I am. I shouldn't expect you to know how any of this works, and I'm sorry.

[nostalgiabomb]

I'm just shit at-- [ he gestures vaguely ] --all of this. It's okay to say so, man.

[animated]

You are shit at it. [ he gives a slight smirk ] But that doesn't mean I should blame you for it.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ that gets a quiet chuckle from him. ]

Salt on the wound, dude.

[ he's quiet for a second, then, ]

That's not what you really think, is it? That I let you stick around for a good lay?