[ His expression goes blank as she explains. And for a long moment he just. Stares.
But-- eventually, he sighs and rubs his forehead, frowning. His gaze drops to the ground, and his expression is a little annoyed, but he's not directing it at her, at the very least. ] I kinda figured it would be something like that. He takes this shit way too personally.
[ He glances up at her. His smile is small and tired when he finally manages one, and his hand falls to his side. ]
It's fine. I'm-- I'm not mad, or anything. Just the nature of the business, right?
[ He lets out a slow breath. ]
It's fine. [ He repeats it, because the more he says it, the more it'll be true. ] It'll be fine. I mean, it's fine that it happened, and it's fine that I'm here, okay? He was gonna catch up to me eventually, anyway, and it's not like I was really in the middle of anything important, you know? It's-- it's fine.
[ He waves a hand vaguely. ] You've got more important shit to take care of. You're on a super-secret mission to save the galaxy, aren't you?
[ His statement gets her a little worked up, because she's not fighting a war--not like Shep is. In fact, Kasumi refused to do anything of the sort. She's just doing what she loves, and it just happens to benefit the cause to fight the Reapers.
So she's not a hero, no. Not by any means. And pulling that card isn't going to convince her to leave Peter behind. After all, before meeting him? She was perfectly find pretty much ignoring the whole destruction of the galaxy bit in favor of spending the rest of her days in the graybox.
The topic, though, has steered her away from "emotional pleading" and towards "are we really going to fight about this right now--yes we are." ]
You realize you're asking me--us, [ in reference to the Guardians ] to leave you here, and basically never see you again, right? Because that's the last thing I want, Peter.
It's not-- C'mon, it's not like you'll never see me again. [ Probably. ] Just-- I need some time, okay?
[ The quality of his voice has changed, too, and now he's the one pleading. Maybe if this had happened a several months ago, before there was this thing between him and Kasumi, he would've leapt at the chance of escape. But, no, there is a thing between them, and Yondu was right. It's a weakness, it's a vulnerability.
And it should be scary and worrying, and maybe if you told him a year ago that an attachment would land him in enemy territory, he would have been terrified. But right now? Peter wouldn't give this weakness up for anything.
Peter's an idiot. He knows that much. Peter's a dumb kid from a planet he barely remembers anymore, and he threw himself at an all-consuming, destructive weapon to save a galaxy, once. He'd do it again if it meant he could save just Kasumi, just his crew. Luckily he's just throwing himself at a man with blue skin and a wicked smile, and he thinks he can handle it. ]
It's just-- it's easier this way, alright? [ Because Peter's all about the path of least resistance; and usually that path means running, but not this time. ] I give him what he wants, he'll leave all of you guys alone. Simple.
[ She's biting her lip now, because what he's asking her to do makes a lot of sense, but damn it all, she really doesn't want to leave him and be so uncertain for the rest of however long it is (and it definitely feels like the answer would be forever). When she next speaks, there's a slight quiver in her lips. ]
There's absolutely no way to convince you, is there? I definitely understand what you mean, that this is easier and you're trying to protect us, I just..
[ She trails off because god, she's so conflicted and she seriously cannot do this. The rational side of her wants to be cool about it and leave and trust him on this, really, but it's drowned out by the side of her that's screaming because she cares about him this much, that she's acting so weak and probably selfish.
She acknowledges that they'll just be going around in circles if she keeps arguing with him, so she's just going to shut up for now and reach for his hand. ]
I'm sorry. [ It comes out in a hoarse whisper, because he can't trust his voice to do much more. But he's genuinely sorry for all of this -- for getting caught like a dumbass, for making all of them worry. ] It'll be okay.
[ He doesn't hesitate when she reaches for him, and he moves to take her hand--
But there's a click and a buzz of static again, and he groans impatiently.
"Pair of eyes in Section Three, heading to Section Four. Get your dick outta your hand, Quill."
Peter goes rigid at that, stepping back into alleyway and moving Kasumi along with him as he peers out. He catches sight of the two patrolling cops heading his way, but their leisurely pace tells him they don't have any reason to be suspicious yet. He speaks into his lapel again, arm outstretched to keep Kasumi behind him (and isn't that a weird instinct, when he knows she could just go invisible and cheese it?). ]
I see 'em. They're just putzin' around.
[ "Make sure it stays that way." ]
Only 'cause you asked so nicely, sweetheart.
[ There's a derisive snort on the comm and distinctively alien swearing, but Peter looks over his shoulder to Kasumi, smiling half-heartedly. ]
This really isn't a good place for the galaxy's best thief, y'known.
Being in places I'm not supposed to be in is kind of my thing, love.
[ She lets that slip out without particularly meaning to, again, but when she realizes it her only thought is screw it, because at the moment, "Quill," "Peter," "Star-Lord," "cowboy," and whatever else she might have been calling him just don't cut it. If this really might be the last time she sees him in a long, long time, then dammit, she's going to let him know just how much this is tearing her apart, leaving without him in tow when he's right there, and that she's one-hundred percent serious about them. In spite of the heavy risks and the fact that situations like this are bound to happen, he needs to know--she's going to come for him whenever it does, because she can't afford to lose someone so important to her again, can't afford to lose him.
To that end, she grabs a hold of his arm--the one that's seemingly trying to protect her--moving it down so she can bring herself as close to him as she can, standing on her toes a little so he can see her face more clearly. That urge to cry has long since passed, but the concern in her expression remains, now mixed in with a little bit of determination. Her voice is soft and hushed when she leans in and whispers into his ear: ]
If Yondu thinks he can take you away from me, he's dead wrong. I'll be back for you whether you like it or not, Peter, I promise.
[ He doesn't quite wince when he hears that again -- "love" -- but something does twinge in his chest, warm and aching and strange, but not unpleasant. He's not quite sure what to call it, yet, but all he knows is that he sort of likes it.
And when she pulls him down a little, when she meets him halfway to speak into his ear, he chews on the inside of his lip, worries at the still healing cut there with his tongue. He wants to say, Don't bother coming back. He wants to say, I can take care of this. He wants to say, Let me take care of you, for once. He doesn't have much to offer, he knows. He's just a guy who's thrust his lot in with a bunch of amazing, overpowered dudes who put up with him, ostensibly because he's got a ship, but he'll take it. And he wants to say, I'll be okay. I'm promise. But that's-- really not something he can promise, and he's trying to become a man of his word, at least where it comes to the people who actually matter to him.
And really, all of that's a waste of breath at this rate, he thinks. And a waste of time, and they have so little of it.
Especially when a new voice, raspy and authoritative, with a southern twang, rings out over the comms.
"Nearly done, boys. Get ready to haul your asses back to the Eclector in five."
So what Peter says instead is this: ]
Just stay out of trouble. [ He leans forward, presses a tentative kiss to her forehead. His other hand cups her cheek gently, mindful to not push the hood aside, just in case they do actually have eyes on them. ] Don't do anything I would do, alright, Kasumi?
[ On her end, she draws in a sharp breath when she hears Yondu's voice over the comms, recognizing it from when she swiped that job from him--only then there had been significantly more profanities being screamed over the comms. She's half-expected that Peter would insist that she just leave him alone, so when all he says is to stay out of trouble, she can't help but reach up to touch Peter's hand on her cheek.
This leaving him behind thing is so goddamn difficult, probably the most difficult thing she's had to do over any of her jobs in the last few months, but she wants to leave things on as good a note as they can possibly manage in this kind of situation, so she closes her eyes and returns his tentative kiss with a more decisive one on his lips, making sure to be careful since she'd noticed the cuts and other injuries. It's quick, but gentle, and when she pulls away she somehow manages to find it in her to look him right in the eyes and give him a small smile. ]
I'll try not to have too much fun without you.
[ At least this way, when they part ways, the last thing he'll remember of her before she pulls her body away from his and starts cloaking is a light joke and her smile. ]
[ As she flickers out of sight, Peter has the sinking feeling that he might've just made a huge mistake. Maybe he should've just made a run for it with Kasumi the second she appeared behind him.
Hindsight is 20/20, though. It's something Gramps used to say all the time.
Yondu's voice comes over the comms again, commanding them all to get back to the ship, job's done, haul ass before the poor bastards know what hit 'em. A series of affirmatives rings out, but Peter lingers in the alleyway. Maybe he could just-- go. Maybe they won't even realize he's gone. Maybe--
"Quill." Yondu's voice again. "If you ain't dead already, son, you're gonna be if you don't check in." ]
Yeah, yeah. [ He mumbles it into the comm as he moves, steps sluggish and dragging. ] Don't get your panties in a wad.
[ It's two months later, and Peter finds himself in a bar with a handful of other Ravagers, celebrating a job well done. He's still bruised and battered and looking worse for wear, but he at least seems in better spirits than last time Kasumi saw him. The alcohol probably helps, in that respect. And the leash Yondu's put him on has become looser with time, now that he's convinced that Peter knows his place -- that place being, "Either stay here with us, or we'll kill your friends." It's a pretty shitty place, Peter admits, but at least there's no beating around the bush.
And he's been given more freedom, allowed on slightly better jobs; hell, the Centaurian had even let Peter send off another quick audio message to the others. (Peter could've sent a video, if he'd wanted, but judging by Kasumi's reaction the last time she saw his bruised face, he decided against it.)
Still alive, it went, and at least his voice doesn't have the same tone of defeat as it did in his last recording. Still uncharacteristically subdued, to be sure, but a touch brighter than before. Don't worry about me. I'll get in touch again when I can.
The small group shoves Peter toward the bar, evidently having put him in charge of acquiring this round. A pretty Krylorian woman at the bar sidles up beside him, her skin a light pink that reminds Peter of the color of a certain person's blush. There's a slight twinge in his chest -- aching and warm, but not unpleasant -- and he grimaces a little. He stonewalls the Krylorian woman's advances; ignores her cooing and feigned concern over his injuries; ignores the way she trails her fingers up his arm; ignores the catcalls from the table behind him while the Ravagers watch. One of them shouts, "What's wrong, Quill? Spend too much time with your li'l buddies that you forget how your dick works?"
After all, of all the Ravagers, Peter had always been pretty vocal about his romantic conquests; he'd always had the best luck of all of them in charming someone into bed. And if it had been half a year ago, Peter would've been answering the woman's flirtations in kind; and come morning, he would've found himself scrambling around silently while she slept, slipping out just before dawn and wandering his way back to the Eclector.
But it isn't half a year ago. It's now, and that warm ache in his chest won't let up, clenches around his heart like a vice, and Peter's just not in the mood to deal with this.
Eventually he turns to the woman and says flatly, ] Look, I'm flattered, but I'm just not interested. But, hey-- [ And here he gestures over his shoulder ] --you should try your luck with one of the dudes back there.
[ The woman gives him a dirty look, but follows his advice, sauntering toward the table of Ravagers who howl and encourage her as she advances. They, at least, seem enamored with her, and have apparently forgotten about the round of drinks they were promised. Peter can't help but sigh in relief, rubbing at a sore spot on his neck. ]
[ It had been difficult, Kasumi remembers, coming back to the Milano empty-handed, and having to explain to the Guardians that she couldn't get Peter. To at least one of them, it had been enough of a relief that he was alive, and to most of them, "outnumbered," and "if we take him and Yondu realizes, which he will, we're not going to get away with it" were reasonable enough explanations. To a certain raccoon, however, that wasn't quite enough, and an argument ensued. It was then that whatever composure Kasumi had managed to gather and keep during her conversation with Peter was lost.
"You think I'm okay with coming all this way, seeing him alive, and then not doing anything about it?"
It was a long, painful ride back to Illium after that, and then a long, painful two months of silence.
Kasumi dropped off the radar, herself, in that time. Apart from the occasional Cerberus raid, Kasumi was extra careful not to communicate with anyone she didn't have the utmost trust in. After all, the fact that Yondu found out even about her existence meant that she fucked up somewhere along the line, and she can't afford to make a mistake like that again. So when she receives Peter's next message, she feels a little weight off her shoulders, even allowing herself a little smile when she hears his voice again, but the twisting feeling in her heart remains and would be so long as he wasn't safe, or whatever the equivalent of that is for a man who's wanted in at least twelve systems, usually runs around with an assassin, two thugs, and a maniac, and whose girlfriend is someone who's similarly wanted and happens to be the galaxy's best thief.
She was on a job, taking a break from Cerberus raids in favor of gathering some highly classified data for the Shadow Broker. It was her way of repaying Liara for her help in finding Peter.
"Actually," Kasumi had already said her goodbye and turned on her heel to leave when Feron called out, causing her to stop in her tracks and glance at him over her shoulder, "the real reason we asked for your help on this? The Shadow Broker--Liara--asked me to let you know after we finished that the Ravagers are here."
She's frozen, then, because damn it, Liara, a little advanced warning would have been nice. But then there's an energy surging inside of her, telling her that this is your chance, and she gives Feron a thankful smile pretending to be a sly grin. ]
Then it looks like I've got some more work to do.
[ It doesn't take her very long at all to find them--really, she just had to go to the seediest bar she could find. She draws in another one of her sharp but silent breaths when she spots Peter at the bar, but decidedly avoids letting herself seen by him, if only because it would be dead giveaway in case Peter had a big reaction to seeing her all of a sudden.
She casually takes a seat at the bar a number of seats away from where Peter stands and is apparently being flirted with by a Krylorian woman--an exchange she watches from the corner of her eye with as amused of an expression as she can manage. She's still not happy, after all, about the way he looks like he's seen way better days, but hey, at least he's still alive and apparently not cheating on her? Small victories.
When the Krylorian woman finally leaves him alone, it's the bartender's turn to cajole Peter. He sets a drink down in front of him, preempting any questions with his monotonously-delivered statement: "From that lady over there." He jerks his head over in Kasumi's direction.
She's sitting with her legs crossed and an elbow on the bar counter so she can rest her chin on her hand, and just gives him a smile. Think you can play it cool, Peter Quill? ]
When the bartender plops the drink in front of him, Peter just sighs a little, a hand threading through his hair. (And who the hell can find him attractive, when he's looking so beat up and rundown? Peter is pretty vain, but even he's not stupid enough to think he looks like a catch, tonight. He hasn't looked like one for months now.) He is seriously not in the mood for this, tonight. Not when he feels like his chest is being constricted and there's this weird cold feeling in his gut, and fuck, he just really, really misses Kasumi right now, and it's been two months since they left off on that weird note; and sure, they were doing the long distance thing before this shit went down, but at least they still managed quick chats and vid messages and flirty voice mails or whatever.
Having to maintain radio silence for months on end? Pretty much hell.
So when he reluctantly turns to where the bartender gestures, already queuing up the same speech he told the Krylorian, he just looks tired.
That changes instantly, though, the instant he realizes who the mystery woman is.
A grin immediately finds its way to his face, and a fog lifts, and holy shit is he glad to see her. And it's a damn good thing the Krylorian woman is distracting his companions, seeing as how he's not bothering to hide his relief, not bothering to hide how god damn happy he is to see her.
Two months is a long time, after all.
(And a part of him is saying, Don't. This is dangerous. You're putting her in the line of fire. They're too close.
He ignores it. At least for now.)
He finally manages to rein it in a little, with a surreptitious glance over his shoulder. None of the Ravagers are paying him any mind, it looks like, and he slowly makes his way to Kasumi's side, taking unhurried strides. He sits down on the stool beside her, facing forward and leaning against the bar top on his forearms. He looks at her from the corner of his eye, but the smile never quite goes away. He keeps his voice low, even though he's certain the Ravagers don't give a shit what he's doing. ]
Thanks for not giving me a heart attack this time.
[ There's a shift in her expression when he finally makes eye contact with her, and god, does her heart melt at the way he looks at her. She really freaking missed him, too--she missed his smile, missed the way he runs his hand through his hair when he's annoyed or frustrated, missed his voice--and while she too was used to the long-distance thing and she missed him when they were apart then, too, you don't quite realize how much the little things like quick chats, random vid messages, and flirty voice mails mean until they're altogether gone all of a sudden, and there's nothing but silence.
She's just thankful for the hood she wears, because she can't quite mask how happy she is to see him, either. ]
Oh, sure. [ She tilts her head such that her cheekbone is resting on her hand now. ] You looked like you needed a drink after having to turn down such a beautiful woman.
[ She can manage her usual teasing smile, but there's something inside of her that's bursting at the seams and wants nothing more than to just get him the hell out of here, because it at least seems like they have a chance at that, probably secretly sticking her tongue out at the Ravagers on the way out, and just--be with him without a care. She wants to take him someplace safe and tend to his wounds and tell him how damn glad she is that he's still alive. ]
[ He clicks his tongue, pulling a face. ] Please. It was more her loss than mine. [ He doesn't quite turn to face Kasumi, yet, but his smile softens into something more fond. ] Besides, I managed to get the prettiest girl in the galaxy to buy me a pity drink, so I’d say it was worth it.
[ It takes him a second to compose himself, and he examines the bar top as he does so. (There's a small stain that looks a bit like a cactus, he notes.) He turns his head a little, catching her gaze (or he thinks he does, anyway; hard to tell with the hood). The pressure in his chest lessens, turns into something weirdly floaty, and he finds he likes it. There's a peal of laughter from the table behind him, and he decides-- fuck it. He moves to take her free hand, wrapping his fingers loosely around hers. His knuckles are bruised and scabbed from one too many fist fights, but that, at least, is nothing too new. ]
I-- I've really fucking missed you. [ And he can't help it-- his voice is unsteady and thick and, man, he's being seriously lame, he thinks, but who the hell cares? Better to be honest while he has the chance. He doesn't know if or when he'll see her again after this. ]
[ But then everything else sinks in, and she isn't quite expecting what happens. What she had been expecting was a pause before he would realize she's actually there, and then he would say Holy fuck, Kasumi, you shouldn't be here, or something to that effect--something similar to the last time they saw each other. Or maybe a you just can't stay away from me, can you? She certainly wasn't expecting him to do something as open as reaching for her hand, either, especially when the Ravagers are only a few feet away, so she ends up staring at their hands for a brief moment before she looks back at him with worry in her eyes.
She's a sentimental person at heart, after all, so her emotions get carried off when she hears the shakiness in his voice, sees the bruises and scabs on his hand. He seems to her like he's breaking, and she is too. ]
Peter... I've missed you too. Like hell.
[ But really isn't the time and place to get emotional. Nope, not with the Ravagers right there, so she's quick to follow up with something else. ]
[ He laughs softly, pulling a hand down his face. His eyes were stinging, and not because of the bruising of his skin. He really is just-- bone tired, but, hey, Kasumi's here, at least for a little while. He could do with the pick-me-up. ]
We're seriously being gross right now, huh?
[ His grin is his one of his usual lopsided-but-charming affairs, but it's not as bright as it could be. He squeezes her hand, once, before pulling away. Best not to prolong it, he thinks. Risky enough that he even pulled that stunt, small as it was, even worse that he didn't think to leave at least one barstool between them instead of sitting right next to her. If the Krylorian wasn't unwittingly providing such a good distraction, the Ravagers would've been suspicious of how close he is to Kasumi, and the least-drunk among them probably could have put two and two together, would have hauled him away or, worse, would have turned their attentions on hurting her.
They've been lucky so far, and Peter's thankful for it. Fortune rarely smiles upon him, but he's not naive enough to expect it to last. ]
I can't stay here long. Sooner or later the guys are gonna notice they still haven't gotten their drinks. [ He's turning to face forward again, hands wrapping around the glass the bartender had given him earlier; he's still looking at her from the corner of his eye, though. ]
[ His question makes her purse her lips a little as she similarly pulls away and turns to face forward. The last two months were just dandy, Kasumi thinks, considering she spent most of it in hiding and distracting herself with jobs to keep from constantly wondering if a certain someone was doing alright. When she answers, her voice is a little flat. ]
Oh, I've been great. Just peachy.
[ And then she's rubbing her temples and sighing, because Peter totally didn't deserve that and she's immediately regretting saying it like that. Sure, the last few months have been rough on her, but there's no arguing the fact that they must have been significantly harder on Peter. The bruises, cuts, scabs, and eventual scars on his face and pretty much anywhere else on his body that she can see only serve to prove that. ]
I'm sorry. Look, Peter, I-- [ She makes an effort to keep her voice especially low and quiet. ] I really think this is your chance to get away. You can't keep on like this forever. The Guardians need you--I need you. It's actually embarrassing how much I need you.
[ It's somewhat of a heartfelt moment for her, but as much as she'd like to bask in it, it's not the time or place. Kasumi takes a quick glance over at the Ravagers just to make sure they haven't started suspecting anything. If she'd known about this before hand, she might have come more prepared with, say, something to make the Ravagers black out for a bit while she escaped with Peter. She wonders, for a moment, how much more alcohol the hooligans might need to get to that level without extra help from substances. ]
[ It stings all the same, the way she answers, and his jaw ticks in response, hands gripping the glass in front of him a little tighter.
And even when she apologizes, he still knows he deserved it. This is-- a shitty thing that he's putting all of them through, and for months he's beaten himself up for getting stupid and getting caught. (And that's not even including the way some of the Ravagers are still cornering him and literally beating him up.)
But what's done is done, he would tell himself, and Yondu's already got his grubby mitts on him. What other option does he have?
(You could run, says a traitorous voice. You could fight.
No, says the reasonable voice, the one that enjoys the path of least resistance. It's easier this way. No one will get hurt like this.
Coward, says the traitorous voice, and it falls silent.)
Peter leans forward on the bar top, rests his forehead in a hand. ]
It's just-- it's seriously not a good idea.
[ Which is rich, coming from a guy who once thought singing "O-o-h Child" at a guy wielding a planet-destroying gem was a good plan. But the fire in his words from a couple months ago is gone, as is the panicked, adamant voice in his head screaming, Protect her, and he just sounds exhausted.
God, he just wants to go home (and funny how his ship used to just be a ship, when now it's home). And he feels selfish as fuck for thinking that, when he should be thinking about this noble thing he's doing to keep Kasumi and the others out of Yondu's sights. But he just wants to sleep in his own bunk and get a good night's rest. He doesn't want to worry about rough hands grabbing his arms and sliding over his mouth to keep him from yelling. He doesn't want to worry about getting hauled out of bed for another session of Whale on Yondu's Pet Terran.
And he wonders how it is that he did this for twenty-six years. Sure, the nightly rounds of getting the tar beat out of him are new, but aside from that, it's more or less the same. And not even six months in, and he feels like he's at the end of his rope. It was nice, he thinks, having people who gave a shit about him, however begrudgingly, having people who helped him dress his wounds and force him to take it easy. It was nice, he thinks, hearing Kasumi's voice on his comms or in his ear. It was nice, he thinks, having soft hands and softer lips pressed against his. It was nice, he thinks, having a family to come back to.
Spoiled, he thinks, and he laughs quietly, joylessly. Soft.
He speaks after a few moments of silence, his voice small and hollow. ]
He'll just keep comin', you know. He'll keep comin' and comin', and eventually work isn't gonna cut it. Eventually he's gonna want blood. It's just the way of things.
[ She's silent, at first, at his response. It's breaking her heart, how clear it is to her that he's suffering so much--and for what, exactly? To protect the Guardians, to protect her? For a moment, Kasumi thinks she's totally undeserving of this nobility, and what have I done? swirls over and over in her head, because she understands why he's doing what he's doing, why he's putting up with what seems to her like getting the crap beaten out of him every damn day, why he's still hesitant to come along when the chance is right in front of him, when she's practically begging him to.
After all, she just wants to take him away, make sure he gets a good night's rest, for once in a long time. She wants to bring him back on the Milano so he can be with the Guardians again, be with people who care about him and have his back. And, selfishly, she just wants to hold him tight and kiss him and help him get better, because he's been hurt, hurt a lot, and Kasumi wants nothing more than to be there for him in whatever way he needs her to be. She just wants him to be okay.
She sighs before she speaks, because this isn't easy. ]
Let him come, then. Remember when we were at those ruins, and it was raining? I said I was avoiding you because I didn't want to put you in any danger, and you totally called me out for it, but here we are. Still wanted in over a dozen systems, still a pair of crazy, dangerous people, still us, and also? There's a giant horde of all-powerful robotic cuttlefish tearing through the far reaches of the galaxy.
I know you're trying to protect us. I just--this is destroying you, Peter, and it can't go on. One day it's going to drive you over the edge or they'll get carried away and just--no. I'm not letting you do this to yourself anymore. If Yondu comes after me, I'll goddamn hack the Crucible and aim it at his stupid ship and let it blow him to bits and pieces. Or I'll send him into Batarian space and let the damn Reapers get him. I'd do anything, Peter, to get you out of here. So, please?
[ She realizes she's sort of going off, now, even if it's quietly, because she's starting to get pissed. So she pauses for a moment to collect her bearings and glances over at the Ravagers again. Still preoccupied with the woman, it looks like, but they can't be for that much longer.
There is no way in hell, though, that she is going to leave without him this time. Oddly enough, without the Guardians around, Kasumi thinks they might have a better chance at this. Spotting the Milano and pursuing it to wherever they would escape to would be easy for the Ravagers, after all, but maybe it would be easier to slip away under some sort of guise and get away in some random ship that they don't know about.
So she hails the bartender, despite the fact that she's still worked up from what she said, and orders them a round of drinks. Just make it look like this fellow over here got this for them, okay, dear? Thanks. And when he walks off to fill the order, Kasumi takes another deep breath. ]
I'm seriously begging here. I'd rather be in danger for the rest of my life--because that's what it's been like, anyway--than be without you for the rest of my life.
[ There's a part of her that just really wants to smack him on the head, say because I'm in love with your dumb ass, and then flip the Ravagers off while she drags him out of there. But she won't be listening to that instinct just yet. ]
[ For a few seconds, his mouth just works silently, while his face does its best deer-in-headlights impression.
Like, honestly. How can he even respond to that?
Peter doesn't lack for confidence. For a long time in his early teens he faked a sense of self-worth until eventually he came to believe it. And he's conceited, maybe, and selfish for sure, but only because he learned to be. Only because he had to be. Because charity and generosity and kindness just weren't words in the Ravager dictionary. They were these alien ideas that had no place in the rough edges of space, in the ruthless life of what was basically a space pirate, unless the demonstrator wanted to get eaten alive. For a long time he only cared about himself because no one else would.
And then the shit on Xandar happened, and things like friendship and self-sacrifice and actually giving a fuck had exploded back into his mind, and it was new and different and he embraced it after twenty-something years of sameness. But the funny thing is, it took him longer to accept that maybe those things were reciprocated by the team he had stumbled upon. Maybe those were things that he could receive in kind.
He still isn't used to it. He's still used to everyone looking out for themselves, and only themselves.
Peter is a selfish person -- but for a while there, he thought that staying with the Ravagers, keeping the others out of trouble, would be the act that finally made him the good person Mom thought he could be. Just another bout of self-sacrifice, right? But after what Kasumi says to him, after the way she begs him to leave, he suddenly realizes that the path of least resistance, the option of giving himself up, might actually have been one of the most selfish fucking things he's done in a long time.
Life is fucking weird, he thinks, and he shuts his eyes. He lets his hand slide down from his forehead to carefully rub at one of his eyes with the heel of his palm.
It's a long while before he can find it in him to talk, and when he does, there's a hint of humor there, something he hasn't dredged up in a long while. He looks over at her openly, and a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, genuine and small. ]
[ The smile that she finally manages is genuine, too, but mostly it's from the sense of relief that washes over her when he cracks a joke. That's more like it, she thinks, and her lips part as though she's about to respond, but nothing quite comes out yet.
Because she wants to correct him, maybe say, That's a massive understatement, love, but she decides not to. It's obvious enough, after all that she's said, that the way she feels about him is something much stronger than just "liking," (even though she's fairly certain Peter wouldn't know to call that love) and she hopes that much is at least clear.
It takes her a short moment to finally come up with a response, but when she does, she can't help but deliver it with a brighter smile than before. ]
"It's just a silly phase I'm going through."
[ She knows he'll pick up on the reference right away, though if he doesn't, it would be that much more a testament to her, to how scrambled running with the Ravagers has made him.
There had been a night she spent on the Milano with him, quite some time ago--before all this happened--when Kasumi had another one of her restless bouts. But instead of waking Peter up, she took his Walkman and slipped his headphones on, and just laid beside him, listening to Awesome Mix Vol. 1 and watching his chest rise and fall with every sleeping breath, reaching over and gently running her fingers through his hair in an act of affection and comfort whenever his face would shift in his sleep, presumably from another one of his bad dreams. She memorized the track list, that night, and eventually drifted back to sleep facing Peter with the headphones still on, one hand clutching the Walkman tightly and the other holding onto Peter's arm. Sure, she might have gotten crap from him come morning when he saw her like that, but she didn't regret it.
She especially doesn't regret it, now, because there were plenty of difficult nights in the last few months. She had a hard enough time sleeping regularly, much less so when the nights came where her imagination would run wild. She would remember seeing Peter's bruised and bloodied face for the first time, remember how he begged her to leave, and imagine all the shit he must have been going through.
Those were the nights she'd put on her very own copy of Awesome Mix Vol. 1 that she'd put together on her private terminal, and let the songs and the memories of the nicer times with Peter carry her into slumber. She's always been weak against memories, after all. ]
[ She's right, of course -- he recognizes the line immediately, even laughs a little.
(The tips of Peter's fingers brush lovingly over the plastic case of his Walkman. It's a blessing that Peter had his cassette player on him when Yondu hauled him bodily back onto the Eclector. Better still that all of the Ravagers know the Walkman is strictly off-limits -- even the ones who grab him at night to play whack-a-mole with his gut abide by that rule. He's not sure how he would've lasted five long months without his tapes, what he might've done if they were ruined.
(Probably flip out and wreck the faces of every Ravager alive.))
He takes a deep breath, straightening in his seat a little and letting his hands drop back onto the bar top. He takes a quick swig of the drink in front of him before turning back to Kasumi with a small nod of his head.
He says softly, ]
I... I think I'm ready to head back home, now, if it's all the same to you.
[ Home. That Kasumi might even be part of that equation fills her heart with a warmth she's been estranged from, for some time. Her shoulders relax (and wow, did she not even realize she'd been tensed up all this time?) and she lets out another little sigh. ]
Oh, good. I was worried I'd have to slip you something in your drink if you kept fighting.
[ Kasumi's eyes wander over to the Ravagers' table. The woman from earlier is now decidedly sitting on one of the men's laps, and they don't seem very bothered at Peter's absence, at all, especially now that they have their next round of drinks. Still, there's no way they'll let him slip out that easily, so when she looks back at him, her brow is quirked. ]
So. How shall we play this escape game, cowboy? Should I pretend to be a random lady that you charm into taking you home?
Pretty sure they've been told to be on the lookout for ladies wearing hoods, actually. Especially the super hot ones that I end up leaving with, arm-in-arm.
It does. [ But even as he's saying it, he's frowning. ] But I hope you have a shitton of units, if you really wanna go that route.
[ He starts to think, Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all? before he smothers that voice with a grimace.
Taking a look around the bar, Peter tries to take stock of what's available. It's not overly busy, with maybe a handful of guests aside from the Ravagers and Kasumi, and it's your usual hodgepodge of alien species. Farther down the bar, a big, burly alien with sharp spikes protruding form his spine sits, nursing a drink and slightly swaying in his seat. ]
I think-- [ He's saying it as he's looking at the big alien in the bar stool ] --I have a very bad idea.
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But-- eventually, he sighs and rubs his forehead, frowning. His gaze drops to the ground, and his expression is a little annoyed, but he's not directing it at her, at the very least. ] I kinda figured it would be something like that. He takes this shit way too personally.
[ He glances up at her. His smile is small and tired when he finally manages one, and his hand falls to his side. ]
It's fine. I'm-- I'm not mad, or anything. Just the nature of the business, right?
[ He lets out a slow breath. ]
It's fine. [ He repeats it, because the more he says it, the more it'll be true. ] It'll be fine. I mean, it's fine that it happened, and it's fine that I'm here, okay? He was gonna catch up to me eventually, anyway, and it's not like I was really in the middle of anything important, you know? It's-- it's fine.
[ He waves a hand vaguely. ] You've got more important shit to take care of. You're on a super-secret mission to save the galaxy, aren't you?
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[ His statement gets her a little worked up, because she's not fighting a war--not like Shep is. In fact, Kasumi refused to do anything of the sort. She's just doing what she loves, and it just happens to benefit the cause to fight the Reapers.
So she's not a hero, no. Not by any means. And pulling that card isn't going to convince her to leave Peter behind. After all, before meeting him? She was perfectly find pretty much ignoring the whole destruction of the galaxy bit in favor of spending the rest of her days in the graybox.
The topic, though, has steered her away from "emotional pleading" and towards "are we really going to fight about this right now--yes we are." ]
You realize you're asking me--us, [ in reference to the Guardians ] to leave you here, and basically never see you again, right? Because that's the last thing I want, Peter.
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[ The quality of his voice has changed, too, and now he's the one pleading. Maybe if this had happened a several months ago, before there was this thing between him and Kasumi, he would've leapt at the chance of escape. But, no, there is a thing between them, and Yondu was right. It's a weakness, it's a vulnerability.
And it should be scary and worrying, and maybe if you told him a year ago that an attachment would land him in enemy territory, he would have been terrified. But right now? Peter wouldn't give this weakness up for anything.
Peter's an idiot. He knows that much. Peter's a dumb kid from a planet he barely remembers anymore, and he threw himself at an all-consuming, destructive weapon to save a galaxy, once. He'd do it again if it meant he could save just Kasumi, just his crew. Luckily he's just throwing himself at a man with blue skin and a wicked smile, and he thinks he can handle it. ]
It's just-- it's easier this way, alright? [ Because Peter's all about the path of least resistance; and usually that path means running, but not this time. ] I give him what he wants, he'll leave all of you guys alone. Simple.
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[ She's biting her lip now, because what he's asking her to do makes a lot of sense, but damn it all, she really doesn't want to leave him and be so uncertain for the rest of however long it is (and it definitely feels like the answer would be forever). When she next speaks, there's a slight quiver in her lips. ]
There's absolutely no way to convince you, is there? I definitely understand what you mean, that this is easier and you're trying to protect us, I just..
[ She trails off because god, she's so conflicted and she seriously cannot do this. The rational side of her wants to be cool about it and leave and trust him on this, really, but it's drowned out by the side of her that's screaming because she cares about him this much, that she's acting so weak and probably selfish.
She acknowledges that they'll just be going around in circles if she keeps arguing with him, so she's just going to shut up for now and reach for his hand. ]
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[ He doesn't hesitate when she reaches for him, and he moves to take her hand--
But there's a click and a buzz of static again, and he groans impatiently.
"Pair of eyes in Section Three, heading to Section Four. Get your dick outta your hand, Quill."
Peter goes rigid at that, stepping back into alleyway and moving Kasumi along with him as he peers out. He catches sight of the two patrolling cops heading his way, but their leisurely pace tells him they don't have any reason to be suspicious yet. He speaks into his lapel again, arm outstretched to keep Kasumi behind him (and isn't that a weird instinct, when he knows she could just go invisible and cheese it?). ]
I see 'em. They're just putzin' around.
[ "Make sure it stays that way." ]
Only 'cause you asked so nicely, sweetheart.
[ There's a derisive snort on the comm and distinctively alien swearing, but Peter looks over his shoulder to Kasumi, smiling half-heartedly. ]
This really isn't a good place for the galaxy's best thief, y'known.
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[ She lets that slip out without particularly meaning to, again, but when she realizes it her only thought is screw it, because at the moment, "Quill," "Peter," "Star-Lord," "cowboy," and whatever else she might have been calling him just don't cut it. If this really might be the last time she sees him in a long, long time, then dammit, she's going to let him know just how much this is tearing her apart, leaving without him in tow when he's right there, and that she's one-hundred percent serious about them. In spite of the heavy risks and the fact that situations like this are bound to happen, he needs to know--she's going to come for him whenever it does, because she can't afford to lose someone so important to her again, can't afford to lose him.
To that end, she grabs a hold of his arm--the one that's seemingly trying to protect her--moving it down so she can bring herself as close to him as she can, standing on her toes a little so he can see her face more clearly. That urge to cry has long since passed, but the concern in her expression remains, now mixed in with a little bit of determination. Her voice is soft and hushed when she leans in and whispers into his ear: ]
If Yondu thinks he can take you away from me, he's dead wrong. I'll be back for you whether you like it or not, Peter, I promise.
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And when she pulls him down a little, when she meets him halfway to speak into his ear, he chews on the inside of his lip, worries at the still healing cut there with his tongue. He wants to say, Don't bother coming back. He wants to say, I can take care of this. He wants to say, Let me take care of you, for once. He doesn't have much to offer, he knows. He's just a guy who's thrust his lot in with a bunch of amazing, overpowered dudes who put up with him, ostensibly because he's got a ship, but he'll take it. And he wants to say, I'll be okay. I'm promise. But that's-- really not something he can promise, and he's trying to become a man of his word, at least where it comes to the people who actually matter to him.
And really, all of that's a waste of breath at this rate, he thinks. And a waste of time, and they have so little of it.
Especially when a new voice, raspy and authoritative, with a southern twang, rings out over the comms.
"Nearly done, boys. Get ready to haul your asses back to the Eclector in five."
So what Peter says instead is this: ]
Just stay out of trouble. [ He leans forward, presses a tentative kiss to her forehead. His other hand cups her cheek gently, mindful to not push the hood aside, just in case they do actually have eyes on them. ] Don't do anything I would do, alright, Kasumi?
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This leaving him behind thing is so goddamn difficult, probably the most difficult thing she's had to do over any of her jobs in the last few months, but she wants to leave things on as good a note as they can possibly manage in this kind of situation, so she closes her eyes and returns his tentative kiss with a more decisive one on his lips, making sure to be careful since she'd noticed the cuts and other injuries. It's quick, but gentle, and when she pulls away she somehow manages to find it in her to look him right in the eyes and give him a small smile. ]
I'll try not to have too much fun without you.
[ At least this way, when they part ways, the last thing he'll remember of her before she pulls her body away from his and starts cloaking is a light joke and her smile. ]
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Hindsight is 20/20, though. It's something Gramps used to say all the time.
Yondu's voice comes over the comms again, commanding them all to get back to the ship, job's done, haul ass before the poor bastards know what hit 'em. A series of affirmatives rings out, but Peter lingers in the alleyway. Maybe he could just-- go. Maybe they won't even realize he's gone. Maybe--
"Quill." Yondu's voice again. "If you ain't dead already, son, you're gonna be if you don't check in." ]
Yeah, yeah. [ He mumbles it into the comm as he moves, steps sluggish and dragging. ] Don't get your panties in a wad.
[ It's two months later, and Peter finds himself in a bar with a handful of other Ravagers, celebrating a job well done. He's still bruised and battered and looking worse for wear, but he at least seems in better spirits than last time Kasumi saw him. The alcohol probably helps, in that respect. And the leash Yondu's put him on has become looser with time, now that he's convinced that Peter knows his place -- that place being, "Either stay here with us, or we'll kill your friends." It's a pretty shitty place, Peter admits, but at least there's no beating around the bush.
And he's been given more freedom, allowed on slightly better jobs; hell, the Centaurian had even let Peter send off another quick audio message to the others. (Peter could've sent a video, if he'd wanted, but judging by Kasumi's reaction the last time she saw his bruised face, he decided against it.)
Still alive, it went, and at least his voice doesn't have the same tone of defeat as it did in his last recording. Still uncharacteristically subdued, to be sure, but a touch brighter than before. Don't worry about me. I'll get in touch again when I can.
The small group shoves Peter toward the bar, evidently having put him in charge of acquiring this round. A pretty Krylorian woman at the bar sidles up beside him, her skin a light pink that reminds Peter of the color of a certain person's blush. There's a slight twinge in his chest -- aching and warm, but not unpleasant -- and he grimaces a little. He stonewalls the Krylorian woman's advances; ignores her cooing and feigned concern over his injuries; ignores the way she trails her fingers up his arm; ignores the catcalls from the table behind him while the Ravagers watch. One of them shouts, "What's wrong, Quill? Spend too much time with your li'l buddies that you forget how your dick works?"
After all, of all the Ravagers, Peter had always been pretty vocal about his romantic conquests; he'd always had the best luck of all of them in charming someone into bed. And if it had been half a year ago, Peter would've been answering the woman's flirtations in kind; and come morning, he would've found himself scrambling around silently while she slept, slipping out just before dawn and wandering his way back to the Eclector.
But it isn't half a year ago. It's now, and that warm ache in his chest won't let up, clenches around his heart like a vice, and Peter's just not in the mood to deal with this.
Eventually he turns to the woman and says flatly, ] Look, I'm flattered, but I'm just not interested. But, hey-- [ And here he gestures over his shoulder ] --you should try your luck with one of the dudes back there.
[ The woman gives him a dirty look, but follows his advice, sauntering toward the table of Ravagers who howl and encourage her as she advances. They, at least, seem enamored with her, and have apparently forgotten about the round of drinks they were promised. Peter can't help but sigh in relief, rubbing at a sore spot on his neck. ]
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"You think I'm okay with coming all this way, seeing him alive, and then not doing anything about it?"
It was a long, painful ride back to Illium after that, and then a long, painful two months of silence.
Kasumi dropped off the radar, herself, in that time. Apart from the occasional Cerberus raid, Kasumi was extra careful not to communicate with anyone she didn't have the utmost trust in. After all, the fact that Yondu found out even about her existence meant that she fucked up somewhere along the line, and she can't afford to make a mistake like that again. So when she receives Peter's next message, she feels a little weight off her shoulders, even allowing herself a little smile when she hears his voice again, but the twisting feeling in her heart remains and would be so long as he wasn't safe, or whatever the equivalent of that is for a man who's wanted in at least twelve systems, usually runs around with an assassin, two thugs, and a maniac, and whose girlfriend is someone who's similarly wanted and happens to be the galaxy's best thief.
She was on a job, taking a break from Cerberus raids in favor of gathering some highly classified data for the Shadow Broker. It was her way of repaying Liara for her help in finding Peter.
"Actually," Kasumi had already said her goodbye and turned on her heel to leave when Feron called out, causing her to stop in her tracks and glance at him over her shoulder, "the real reason we asked for your help on this? The Shadow Broker--Liara--asked me to let you know after we finished that the Ravagers are here."
She's frozen, then, because damn it, Liara, a little advanced warning would have been nice. But then there's an energy surging inside of her, telling her that this is your chance, and she gives Feron a thankful smile pretending to be a sly grin. ]
Then it looks like I've got some more work to do.
[ It doesn't take her very long at all to find them--really, she just had to go to the seediest bar she could find. She draws in another one of her sharp but silent breaths when she spots Peter at the bar, but decidedly avoids letting herself seen by him, if only because it would be dead giveaway in case Peter had a big reaction to seeing her all of a sudden.
She casually takes a seat at the bar a number of seats away from where Peter stands and is apparently being flirted with by a Krylorian woman--an exchange she watches from the corner of her eye with as amused of an expression as she can manage. She's still not happy, after all, about the way he looks like he's seen way better days, but hey, at least he's still alive and apparently not cheating on her? Small victories.
When the Krylorian woman finally leaves him alone, it's the bartender's turn to cajole Peter. He sets a drink down in front of him, preempting any questions with his monotonously-delivered statement: "From that lady over there." He jerks his head over in Kasumi's direction.
She's sitting with her legs crossed and an elbow on the bar counter so she can rest her chin on her hand, and just gives him a smile. Think you can play it cool, Peter Quill? ]
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When the bartender plops the drink in front of him, Peter just sighs a little, a hand threading through his hair. (And who the hell can find him attractive, when he's looking so beat up and rundown? Peter is pretty vain, but even he's not stupid enough to think he looks like a catch, tonight. He hasn't looked like one for months now.) He is seriously not in the mood for this, tonight. Not when he feels like his chest is being constricted and there's this weird cold feeling in his gut, and fuck, he just really, really misses Kasumi right now, and it's been two months since they left off on that weird note; and sure, they were doing the long distance thing before this shit went down, but at least they still managed quick chats and vid messages and flirty voice mails or whatever.
Having to maintain radio silence for months on end? Pretty much hell.
So when he reluctantly turns to where the bartender gestures, already queuing up the same speech he told the Krylorian, he just looks tired.
That changes instantly, though, the instant he realizes who the mystery woman is.
A grin immediately finds its way to his face, and a fog lifts, and holy shit is he glad to see her. And it's a damn good thing the Krylorian woman is distracting his companions, seeing as how he's not bothering to hide his relief, not bothering to hide how god damn happy he is to see her.
Two months is a long time, after all.
(And a part of him is saying, Don't. This is dangerous. You're putting her in the line of fire. They're too close.
He ignores it. At least for now.)
He finally manages to rein it in a little, with a surreptitious glance over his shoulder. None of the Ravagers are paying him any mind, it looks like, and he slowly makes his way to Kasumi's side, taking unhurried strides. He sits down on the stool beside her, facing forward and leaning against the bar top on his forearms. He looks at her from the corner of his eye, but the smile never quite goes away. He keeps his voice low, even though he's certain the Ravagers don't give a shit what he's doing. ]
Thanks for not giving me a heart attack this time.
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She's just thankful for the hood she wears, because she can't quite mask how happy she is to see him, either. ]
Oh, sure. [ She tilts her head such that her cheekbone is resting on her hand now. ] You looked like you needed a drink after having to turn down such a beautiful woman.
[ She can manage her usual teasing smile, but there's something inside of her that's bursting at the seams and wants nothing more than to just get him the hell out of here, because it at least seems like they have a chance at that, probably secretly sticking her tongue out at the Ravagers on the way out, and just--be with him without a care. She wants to take him someplace safe and tend to his wounds and tell him how damn glad she is that he's still alive. ]
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[ It takes him a second to compose himself, and he examines the bar top as he does so. (There's a small stain that looks a bit like a cactus, he notes.) He turns his head a little, catching her gaze (or he thinks he does, anyway; hard to tell with the hood). The pressure in his chest lessens, turns into something weirdly floaty, and he finds he likes it. There's a peal of laughter from the table behind him, and he decides-- fuck it. He moves to take her free hand, wrapping his fingers loosely around hers. His knuckles are bruised and scabbed from one too many fist fights, but that, at least, is nothing too new. ]
I-- I've really fucking missed you. [ And he can't help it-- his voice is unsteady and thick and, man, he's being seriously lame, he thinks, but who the hell cares? Better to be honest while he has the chance. He doesn't know if or when he'll see her again after this. ]
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Smooth-talker.
[ But then everything else sinks in, and she isn't quite expecting what happens. What she had been expecting was a pause before he would realize she's actually there, and then he would say Holy fuck, Kasumi, you shouldn't be here, or something to that effect--something similar to the last time they saw each other. Or maybe a you just can't stay away from me, can you? She certainly wasn't expecting him to do something as open as reaching for her hand, either, especially when the Ravagers are only a few feet away, so she ends up staring at their hands for a brief moment before she looks back at him with worry in her eyes.
She's a sentimental person at heart, after all, so her emotions get carried off when she hears the shakiness in his voice, sees the bruises and scabs on his hand. He seems to her like he's breaking, and she is too. ]
Peter... I've missed you too. Like hell.
[ But really isn't the time and place to get emotional. Nope, not with the Ravagers right there, so she's quick to follow up with something else. ]
God, what is wrong with us?
[ Yep.That's the best she can do at the moment. ]
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We're seriously being gross right now, huh?
[ His grin is his one of his usual lopsided-but-charming affairs, but it's not as bright as it could be. He squeezes her hand, once, before pulling away. Best not to prolong it, he thinks. Risky enough that he even pulled that stunt, small as it was, even worse that he didn't think to leave at least one barstool between them instead of sitting right next to her. If the Krylorian wasn't unwittingly providing such a good distraction, the Ravagers would've been suspicious of how close he is to Kasumi, and the least-drunk among them probably could have put two and two together, would have hauled him away or, worse, would have turned their attentions on hurting her.
They've been lucky so far, and Peter's thankful for it. Fortune rarely smiles upon him, but he's not naive enough to expect it to last. ]
I can't stay here long. Sooner or later the guys are gonna notice they still haven't gotten their drinks. [ He's turning to face forward again, hands wrapping around the glass the bartender had given him earlier; he's still looking at her from the corner of his eye, though. ]
You, uh. You been alright?
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Oh, I've been great. Just peachy.
[ And then she's rubbing her temples and sighing, because Peter totally didn't deserve that and she's immediately regretting saying it like that. Sure, the last few months have been rough on her, but there's no arguing the fact that they must have been significantly harder on Peter. The bruises, cuts, scabs, and eventual scars on his face and pretty much anywhere else on his body that she can see only serve to prove that. ]
I'm sorry. Look, Peter, I-- [ She makes an effort to keep her voice especially low and quiet. ] I really think this is your chance to get away. You can't keep on like this forever. The Guardians need you--I need you. It's actually embarrassing how much I need you.
[ It's somewhat of a heartfelt moment for her, but as much as she'd like to bask in it, it's not the time or place. Kasumi takes a quick glance over at the Ravagers just to make sure they haven't started suspecting anything. If she'd known about this before hand, she might have come more prepared with, say, something to make the Ravagers black out for a bit while she escaped with Peter. She wonders, for a moment, how much more alcohol the hooligans might need to get to that level without extra help from substances. ]
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And even when she apologizes, he still knows he deserved it. This is-- a shitty thing that he's putting all of them through, and for months he's beaten himself up for getting stupid and getting caught. (And that's not even including the way some of the Ravagers are still cornering him and literally beating him up.)
But what's done is done, he would tell himself, and Yondu's already got his grubby mitts on him. What other option does he have?
(You could run, says a traitorous voice. You could fight.
No, says the reasonable voice, the one that enjoys the path of least resistance. It's easier this way. No one will get hurt like this.
Coward, says the traitorous voice, and it falls silent.)
Peter leans forward on the bar top, rests his forehead in a hand. ]
It's just-- it's seriously not a good idea.
[ Which is rich, coming from a guy who once thought singing "O-o-h Child" at a guy wielding a planet-destroying gem was a good plan. But the fire in his words from a couple months ago is gone, as is the panicked, adamant voice in his head screaming, Protect her, and he just sounds exhausted.
God, he just wants to go home (and funny how his ship used to just be a ship, when now it's home). And he feels selfish as fuck for thinking that, when he should be thinking about this noble thing he's doing to keep Kasumi and the others out of Yondu's sights. But he just wants to sleep in his own bunk and get a good night's rest. He doesn't want to worry about rough hands grabbing his arms and sliding over his mouth to keep him from yelling. He doesn't want to worry about getting hauled out of bed for another session of Whale on Yondu's Pet Terran.
And he wonders how it is that he did this for twenty-six years. Sure, the nightly rounds of getting the tar beat out of him are new, but aside from that, it's more or less the same. And not even six months in, and he feels like he's at the end of his rope. It was nice, he thinks, having people who gave a shit about him, however begrudgingly, having people who helped him dress his wounds and force him to take it easy. It was nice, he thinks, hearing Kasumi's voice on his comms or in his ear. It was nice, he thinks, having soft hands and softer lips pressed against his. It was nice, he thinks, having a family to come back to.
Spoiled, he thinks, and he laughs quietly, joylessly. Soft.
He speaks after a few moments of silence, his voice small and hollow. ]
He'll just keep comin', you know. He'll keep comin' and comin', and eventually work isn't gonna cut it. Eventually he's gonna want blood. It's just the way of things.
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After all, she just wants to take him away, make sure he gets a good night's rest, for once in a long time. She wants to bring him back on the Milano so he can be with the Guardians again, be with people who care about him and have his back. And, selfishly, she just wants to hold him tight and kiss him and help him get better, because he's been hurt, hurt a lot, and Kasumi wants nothing more than to be there for him in whatever way he needs her to be. She just wants him to be okay.
She sighs before she speaks, because this isn't easy. ]
Let him come, then. Remember when we were at those ruins, and it was raining? I said I was avoiding you because I didn't want to put you in any danger, and you totally called me out for it, but here we are. Still wanted in over a dozen systems, still a pair of crazy, dangerous people, still us, and also? There's a giant horde of all-powerful robotic cuttlefish tearing through the far reaches of the galaxy.
I know you're trying to protect us. I just--this is destroying you, Peter, and it can't go on. One day it's going to drive you over the edge or they'll get carried away and just--no. I'm not letting you do this to yourself anymore. If Yondu comes after me, I'll goddamn hack the Crucible and aim it at his stupid ship and let it blow him to bits and pieces. Or I'll send him into Batarian space and let the damn Reapers get him. I'd do anything, Peter, to get you out of here. So, please?
[ She realizes she's sort of going off, now, even if it's quietly, because she's starting to get pissed. So she pauses for a moment to collect her bearings and glances over at the Ravagers again. Still preoccupied with the woman, it looks like, but they can't be for that much longer.
There is no way in hell, though, that she is going to leave without him this time. Oddly enough, without the Guardians around, Kasumi thinks they might have a better chance at this. Spotting the Milano and pursuing it to wherever they would escape to would be easy for the Ravagers, after all, but maybe it would be easier to slip away under some sort of guise and get away in some random ship that they don't know about.
So she hails the bartender, despite the fact that she's still worked up from what she said, and orders them a round of drinks. Just make it look like this fellow over here got this for them, okay, dear? Thanks. And when he walks off to fill the order, Kasumi takes another deep breath. ]
I'm seriously begging here. I'd rather be in danger for the rest of my life--because that's what it's been like, anyway--than be without you for the rest of my life.
[ There's a part of her that just really wants to smack him on the head, say because I'm in love with your dumb ass, and then flip the Ravagers off while she drags him out of there. But she won't be listening to that instinct just yet. ]
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Like, honestly. How can he even respond to that?
Peter doesn't lack for confidence. For a long time in his early teens he faked a sense of self-worth until eventually he came to believe it. And he's conceited, maybe, and selfish for sure, but only because he learned to be. Only because he had to be. Because charity and generosity and kindness just weren't words in the Ravager dictionary. They were these alien ideas that had no place in the rough edges of space, in the ruthless life of what was basically a space pirate, unless the demonstrator wanted to get eaten alive. For a long time he only cared about himself because no one else would.
And then the shit on Xandar happened, and things like friendship and self-sacrifice and actually giving a fuck had exploded back into his mind, and it was new and different and he embraced it after twenty-something years of sameness. But the funny thing is, it took him longer to accept that maybe those things were reciprocated by the team he had stumbled upon. Maybe those were things that he could receive in kind.
He still isn't used to it. He's still used to everyone looking out for themselves, and only themselves.
Peter is a selfish person -- but for a while there, he thought that staying with the Ravagers, keeping the others out of trouble, would be the act that finally made him the good person Mom thought he could be. Just another bout of self-sacrifice, right? But after what Kasumi says to him, after the way she begs him to leave, he suddenly realizes that the path of least resistance, the option of giving himself up, might actually have been one of the most selfish fucking things he's done in a long time.
Life is fucking weird, he thinks, and he shuts his eyes. He lets his hand slide down from his forehead to carefully rub at one of his eyes with the heel of his palm.
It's a long while before he can find it in him to talk, and when he does, there's a hint of humor there, something he hasn't dredged up in a long while. He looks over at her openly, and a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, genuine and small. ]
Sounds as though you might kinda like me, huh?
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Because she wants to correct him, maybe say, That's a massive understatement, love, but she decides not to. It's obvious enough, after all that she's said, that the way she feels about him is something much stronger than just "liking," (even though she's fairly certain Peter wouldn't know to call that love) and she hopes that much is at least clear.
It takes her a short moment to finally come up with a response, but when she does, she can't help but deliver it with a brighter smile than before. ]
"It's just a silly phase I'm going through."
[ She knows he'll pick up on the reference right away, though if he doesn't, it would be that much more a testament to her, to how scrambled running with the Ravagers has made him.
There had been a night she spent on the Milano with him, quite some time ago--before all this happened--when Kasumi had another one of her restless bouts. But instead of waking Peter up, she took his Walkman and slipped his headphones on, and just laid beside him, listening to Awesome Mix Vol. 1 and watching his chest rise and fall with every sleeping breath, reaching over and gently running her fingers through his hair in an act of affection and comfort whenever his face would shift in his sleep, presumably from another one of his bad dreams. She memorized the track list, that night, and eventually drifted back to sleep facing Peter with the headphones still on, one hand clutching the Walkman tightly and the other holding onto Peter's arm. Sure, she might have gotten crap from him come morning when he saw her like that, but she didn't regret it.
She especially doesn't regret it, now, because there were plenty of difficult nights in the last few months. She had a hard enough time sleeping regularly, much less so when the nights came where her imagination would run wild. She would remember seeing Peter's bruised and bloodied face for the first time, remember how he begged her to leave, and imagine all the shit he must have been going through.
Those were the nights she'd put on her very own copy of Awesome Mix Vol. 1 that she'd put together on her private terminal, and let the songs and the memories of the nicer times with Peter carry her into slumber. She's always been weak against memories, after all. ]
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(The tips of Peter's fingers brush lovingly over the plastic case of his Walkman. It's a blessing that Peter had his cassette player on him when Yondu hauled him bodily back onto the Eclector. Better still that all of the Ravagers know the Walkman is strictly off-limits -- even the ones who grab him at night to play whack-a-mole with his gut abide by that rule. He's not sure how he would've lasted five long months without his tapes, what he might've done if they were ruined.
(Probably flip out and wreck the faces of every Ravager alive.))
He takes a deep breath, straightening in his seat a little and letting his hands drop back onto the bar top. He takes a quick swig of the drink in front of him before turning back to Kasumi with a small nod of his head.
He says softly, ]
I... I think I'm ready to head back home, now, if it's all the same to you.
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Oh, good. I was worried I'd have to slip you something in your drink if you kept fighting.
[ Kasumi's eyes wander over to the Ravagers' table. The woman from earlier is now decidedly sitting on one of the men's laps, and they don't seem very bothered at Peter's absence, at all, especially now that they have their next round of drinks. Still, there's no way they'll let him slip out that easily, so when she looks back at him, her brow is quirked. ]
So. How shall we play this escape game, cowboy? Should I pretend to be a random lady that you charm into taking you home?
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Pretty sure they've been told to be on the lookout for ladies wearing hoods, actually. Especially the super hot ones that I end up leaving with, arm-in-arm.
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They said all that about me? Aw, shucks.
[ She drops the act almost immediately, though, her hand falling back onto the surface of the counter. ]
Alright, then. How much do they have to drink until they get to black-out levels? Does that even happen for them...?
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[ He starts to think, Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all? before he smothers that voice with a grimace.
Taking a look around the bar, Peter tries to take stock of what's available. It's not overly busy, with maybe a handful of guests aside from the Ravagers and Kasumi, and it's your usual hodgepodge of alien species. Farther down the bar, a big, burly alien with sharp spikes protruding form his spine sits, nursing a drink and slightly swaying in his seat. ]
I think-- [ He's saying it as he's looking at the big alien in the bar stool ] --I have a very bad idea.
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