nostalgiabomb | haven inbox;

[ Yeah. He's getting that, "We sent Lassie out to the country" vibe right now, which is why he hesitates. After a moment or two, he nods, nonetheless, moving to sit at his own bunk. ]

I'm all ears. Everything alright?

[ She's half-prepared for him to leave (and also briefly considers phaselocking him if he does, but that won't help anything), and it's something of a relief when he comes into the room and sits down ]

I was hoping to talk about... us, so in that context, I suppose, no. Not everything is alright.

[ -- when she says that, he does consider jumping up and fleeing; it's obvious enough in the way his frown deepens, his hands tightening into fists on his lap, but eventually he's able to school his expression into something more neutral.

He pauses for a second, but then he removes the strap of his bag, moves the knapsack to one side as if to get it out of the way. He leans forward, elbows on his knees and fingers knit loosely together. ]

Not sure what you mean-- [ he says it lightly, smoothly, while knowing damn well that's a lie ] --but go on?

[ The way he's so casual about it would almost hurt, if it wasn't belied by the way he had tensed a moment ago. ]

I think you know exactly what I mean.

Peter... look, I've never been in a situation like this. I don't know how this is supposed to go, but I do know that as much as we want things to be normal again, they just aren't.

[ Peter considers playing ignorant just a little while longer, but-- instead, he lets out a little huff, scrubbing his face. ]

... I haven't really-- dealt with anything like this, either. And I'm-- I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to get so weird.

It's not your fault. If I hadn't said anything...

[ she trails off, gaze sliding to the floor ] I just want to know how you honestly feel. That's all I'm asking here.

Because I still don't know and it's driving me crazy.

[ His brow furrows. ]

I already told you, didn't I? I mean-- I don't wanna pick at old wounds here, but I just-- I think it's better we stay friends.

But you haven't told me why.

[ His lips part, then he shuts his mouth again, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Second time's the charm, though. ]

-- That's not really important, is it?

[ Now she looks at him, gaze level ]

I think it's incredibly important.

[ Guess whose gaze is flicking away immediately? ]

It's just not a good idea. I, uh. I'm just can't-- really see myself in a relationship.

[ which is mostly true, at least. He's never been the type to remember holidays or anniversaries or whatever the hell, so-- he's at least not really lying, at the moment. ]

Neither can I.

And maybe a post-apocalyptic wasteland where we're being lorded over by a mysterious corporation with way too much power isn't a good place to try, but if they were to take you away tomorrow, I'd regret the last month more than anything in the world.

[ He risks a quick glance up before it flits back down to the floor. ]

... Yeah. I'm... really sorry about that.

I'll, uh. Try to be less-- weird?

[ She gets up, crossing the small space between them to sit next to him on his bunk ]

I'd regret it because we had a chance and we didn't take it, and now it feels like there's a wall between me and the person I trust and care about the most.

[ He doesn't quite stiffen at her approach, though it's a close thing, but his reaction to what she says is a different matter entirely. Peter freezes up entirely, eyes fixed on that random spot on the floor, and his mind draws a blank.

... how's a guy supposed to respond to that, anyway? Because, well, she's pretty much hit the nail on the head. A part of him is asking, Why don't we give it a shot? while another part is screaming, Don't. This is dangerous. Pull up out of this dive, Maverick.

It's pretty clear it's his turn to talk, now, but he doesn't have any words at the ready; his brain scrambles for something, just to fill the awkward silence (though it's probably only a few seconds), and he clears his throat. ]

Listen, Maya. I really do think you're awesome, but this-- I dunno. It's-- I don't know if it's a good idea.

It probably isn't. But I've been known to be reckless and stupid before, so I'm willing to give it a shot.

--I'm really not-- boyfriend material. Or whatever. I'm more the one-night stand sorta guy. And-- listen, like I said, I think you're awesome. I really do. It's just-- the relationship thing--

[ He abruptly runs out of words, and he rubs the back of his neck as he tries to find them. ]

Are you saying all this to convince me, or you?

I--

[ --nope, still can't find words. Damn. Why did he ever stop going to school?

Oh, right. Space pirates.

Er, how about now? ]

I, uh--

[ --okay, Quill. It's okay. Deep breaths. We're all on your side. Try again. ]

I just-- can't.

[ ... #nailedit. ]

Peter...

[ she slips off the mattress, crouching in front of him to get into his line of sight. This is slipping out of her grasp again, and she doesn't know if she can take another day with this wall between them, let alone a month. ]

What are you so afraid of?

[ He should've taken off when he still had the chance.

Because while Maya isn't exactly keeping him there, he has the weirdest sensation that she's sort of got him pinned down, and his instinct to run is screaming at the back of his head. This problem is getting too big, and because he's ignored it, it just seems to be getting bigger.

Who knew? ]

Afraid? I'm not not afraid of anything. [ At the very least, he has mind enough to sound defensive. ]

What, a dude can't think something's just a bad idea?

[ for a moment she doesn't say anything. Her fingers grip the fabric of her pants and she stares at the space in between them.

She's not sure what she expected from this endeavor, but for a moment it felt like they were at least moving forward. Now it all seems to have ground to a halt and she can't take it anymore. ]

God damn you.

[ that's all the warning he gets before she surges up and kisses him ]

[ This?

This is the exact last thing he expected, which is why he makes a muffled noise, equal parts surprise and protest. He was probably trying to say, "Maya?!" before the word was lost.

His hands hover over her shoulders without touching, but he's-- he's pretty sure he should push her off. That would be the right thing to do. The gentlemanly thing. Because he's going to fuck this up. He's gonna break her heart. He's most assuredly going to ruin the one of the extremely few good thing he's got going in Haven. He's--

He's--

He's really fucking missed this.

Before he realizes what he's doing, he's pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around to keep her in place, and-- decision made, it seems? ]

[ Something in her chest untwists when he pulls her close, when he kisses her back. She thought for sure he was going to shove her away.

One of her hands grips the fabric of his shirt, and the other tangles in his hair, and she doesn't dare break this kiss. If she does, he might push her away again, he might tell her this is a bad idea. She wants everything to be okay for as long as it can be. ]

[ Okay, just a second or two more of this. After that, he's going to pull her away (gently), let her down easy. Remind her that he's really not boyfriend material, that he's not the sort of person you can bring home to Mom and Dad, that he's just going to hurt her--

... Maybe just. A few more seconds.

-- Okay. Okay, a few more seconds is up, so go on, Quill. Break the kiss.

Peter makes a small, needy noise at the back of his throat.

Goddammit, Quill. ]

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